Shattered Hearts

Chapter XVI

          "Dyn, hanggang ngayon ba ayaw mo pang pumunta ng US?" Kent asked out of nowhere.

          We were in the sala, one Saturday afternoon watching a movie. Napatingin naman ako sa kanya dahil sa tanong niyang 'yon. It was totally uncalled for.

           Anong problema nito at bigla bigla na lang magtatanong ng gano'n? Nagda-drama na naman ba siya?

          Kumuha ako ng isang popcorn mula sa bowl na hawak ko at tsaka mabilis na binato sa kanya. Sakto at natamaan naman siya sa ilong?

          "Aray naman! What's your problem?" asar na tanong niya at binato pabalik sa akin 'yong popcorn.

          "Ikaw, anong drama mo at tinanong mo 'yon?"

          "Seryoso nga kasi," he said and he really did seem serious this time. Kaya naman umayos ako sa pagkakaupo at tsaka nagseryoso na rin. This ain't joke time.

          "Bakit, gusto mo na bang pumunta?" I asked him.

          We never really talked about it. We've had a silent agreement not to talk about it. Alam naming pareho na ayaw namin ang pumunta sa US. But we have to, eventually. It's bound to happen sooner or later. Gusto man namin o hindi

          "Yeah, I guess. I mean, we're old enough and I don't have anything here. I can leave anytime I want at alam kong wala akong maiiwan dito."

          I thought about what he just said. He is right though. Pati rin naman ako, gano'n din. I can leave anytime I want, wala akong maiiwan dito.

          Then Derick's face popped into my mind. We have this thing going on between the two of us. It's a complicated thing. There's no uncertainty, but still... Can he be my reason to stay? Is my love for him enough to make me stay here?

          Wala akong kasiguraduhan when it comes to Derick. Everything's just too complicated. Is he enough reason for me stay?

          "Dyn, I think it's about time we go to US," he said seriously. Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. "It's time we go where we truly belong."

          "W-what? Ba't biglaan naman yata? Parang kahapon lang ayaw na ayaw mo ta's ngayon..." I laughed nervously. Kent's acting strange. He's making decisions recklessly.

          Hindi naman siya gan'yan—'yong bigla bigla na lang nagde-desisyon. Whenever he needs to decide, it will take him a lot of time to finally find his resolution.

         Then, I think he's finally got his fair share of time and has decided. Matagal na 'tong issue na 'to. At alam naming pareho, sa ayaw at gusto namin, pupunta at pupunta pa rin kami sa US. It's where our family is.

          Pero pa'no naman ako? Hindi pa ako ready. I'll be there, okay. Pero hindi pa ngayon, hindi pa bukas. I just need more time...

          "I got nothing here, Dyn. I got no reason to stay," humina ang boses niya sa huling sinabi niya.

          And it finally dawned on me. Was he talking about Gwen? Kaya ba siya nagkakagan'yan dahil wala na sila ni Gwen? Is that it?

          "Kent, if this is about Gwen, just get back with her. Or forget her and move on. Just don't make it as your excuse to leave!"

          He closed his eyes as he shook his head.

          "You don't understand."

          I really don't. That's why I need him to enlighten me! I sighed. Hindi ko nga talaga maintindihan.

          "Kent, I'm not yet ready to leave. Give me more time, please."

          He heaved a deep sigh. He stared at me for seconds before nodding.

          Tinitigan ko ang cellphone ko habang nakahiga ako sa bed. Kanina pa ako naba-bother kay Derick. Kanina ko pa siya tinetext pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa siyang reply.

          I wanted to call him. But that would be too much. I already sent him a lot of messages and calling him would be another thing. Baka sadyang busy lang talaga siya.

          Tsaka late na rin. Baka maaga siyang nakatulog? Hinayaan ko na lang. I'll just talk to him tomorrow.

~ ~ ~

          I was walking in the hallway when I saw Derick. A smile immediately crept into my lips. But that smile didn't last long and it started to falter. I was about to call him when Gwen suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

          They talked. They smiled at each other. And then they held each other's hand as they walked away.

          I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It hurt me big time at hindi ko matanggap. Is this real? Is it really happening in front of me now?

          "Derick," I called him but it wasn't loud enough. Hindi niya yata narinig dahil hindi man lang siya lumingon. "Derick!" I shouted louder and finally he turned around.

          Hinintay ko siyang magsalita. Hinintay ko siyang bitawan ang kamay ni Gwen at bumalik sa akin. But none of those happened. Instead, he just looked at me and turned back to Gwen. And then they left. Just like that.