Falling For A Felon

Chapter 12

As the trigger fires, Nicki closes her eyes and hears it but doesn't feel anything. She peeked one eye, and realized she was thinking of it happening. The only person that was in front of her was a semi bald headed doctor smoking cigarettes and talking about baseball.

With her heart still on the floor, hairs still standing up, mind still confused, Nicki decides to go back in the waiting room.

When she gets there, she's stopped by a little kid. He was about 5-6. Light/brownskin. Cute little dimples, and everything. He looked like a small lil version Nicki as a kid,except a male which was weird. She didnt sweat it though. He has a backpack, teddy bear, and a picture in his hand. It was unclear what the picture was because it was turned backwards. Nicki looks at him, crotches down and smiles.

Nicki- Hi cutie! What's your name?

"The boy"- my name is...ummm uhhhh I don't have one

Nicki looks at him all disfigured and confused.

Nicki- C'mon everyone has a name..what'd your mommy and daddy call you?

The boy looks at the picture then looks at Nicki, repeatedly.

Nicki is dazed. She wants to know wants this picture. So she asks..

Nicki- what chu got there?

The boy- .....my mom

Nicki- well, where is your mommy?

The boy looks up with half filled teary eyes, and grips his teddy bear tight, then hands Nicki the picture.

She grabs it and reads the back which has his handwriting that says

" my momy i find soon pws god",

And then she flips it around.

She then dropped everything.
Her heart refell to floor beating and racing outta control like crazy, because what she saw she NEVER expected in a lifetime.

Nicki falls all the way down to the floor, which her hands full of her hair, and looks back at the boy and tries to scoot away. She can't believe it. She tries to close her eyes like she did with the Taviyon thing but this, this here was real.

The picture she revealed to herself...

It was her . A picture of her before she got pregnant. The only kid Nicki has ever had, she didn't have it....

Unless that's what she thought..
When Nicki had a miscarriage at the time, she didn't realize the woman who checked her for that was a girl Taviyon was cheating on her with for 7 months. And within having getting checked on,she just remembered she had to have a procedure done .

"She couldn't have" Nicki thought to herself.

Did she lie to me about my miscarriage just to birth my kid?
Did she do this for her or me?

THATS WHY TAVIYON WAS ALWAYS BRINGING "Oh, you're kid would be disappointed" whenever they fought, it'll always make her cry and depressed because that's all she ever wanted,but she never wanted it to happen like this.

Nicki puts her hands to her eyes. Head to wall and starts crying. She cant believe her SON. Her kid, was here on this earth. After all the regret and guilt she felt afterwards, her dreams finally came true, which was to get her kid back. Thats all she ever wanted in life . The boy walks up to her, and hugs her.

"The boy" - are you OK...mommy?

She removes her hand from her eyes and hugs him so right and just start balling her eyes out. It's the best feeling she's ever had since she found out she was pregnant. Nothing can beat this feeling. The boy starts to cry back and then laughs.

"The boy" - I...can't... breathe

Nicki lets go and feels all over his face and hair just to know what her son feels like. He has the sofest, smoothest, perfect skin. He was just perfect, in her eyes. They then stare at each other before he interrupts it.

"The boy"- you know how tired I am for looking for you?

Nicki- exactly how long have you been looking?

"The boy"- since I was 4..I started off a guy who helped me for 1 year 3 months, and then he died and I had to figure the rest out on my own. But before he died he gave me this picture and we were gonna find you togver. but it not work.

Nicki just startled and still shocked,amazed and overwhelmed.
But she wonders about one thing...

Nicki- that's so amazing, sad but....did you ever look for your dad?

" the boy" - no..why would I? He wanted me dead....you didn't so I looked for my PARENT.

Nicki doesn't know how the hell he knows this but doesn't care at the moment and starts to cry again because it was all so true.

Nicki- come here

She hugs him again, but when he wraps his little arms around her she balls more. Nothing ever in her life has felt so right.

Nicki- I'm sorry, ok? I never meant to hurt you or have you looking for me, halfly because I thought you were....gone. I wanted you here, I didn't want you gone, but your dad had different plans

She sniffles...

...I'm so so so so so so so so so SO sorry. Because you shouldnt have been looking for me in the first place, you should've been by my side and in school and me tucking you in bed every night and being there for you. That was MY JOB. I failed. I failed god. I failed myself. But mostly I failed you. I prayed and prayed and prayed, waiting to have you over and over. Because I knew you were gonna be my world , my everything. That's just not how it went down. And I'm sorry. Ok? Can you forgive me?

"The boy"- i forgave you when I start looking for you mommy I WUV you

He hugs her back. She then hears his stomach growl, and chuckles..

Nicki- you hungry, kiddo?

"the boy"- yes .....but mommy?

Nicki- God , I have to get used to that, but what is it?

" the boy" - can I have a name first?

Nicki- of course, you have to have a name...what do you want it to be?

"The boy"- whatever it was you were gonna name me. I mean, that was my name right? you just didn't get the chance to give it to me,NoW I want it

Nicki looks up and rolls her eyes to stop not from crying. Her 5 year old son was intelligent and mature for a 5 year old, and she remembers the exact name she was gonna give him..

Nicki-.... Christian...Christian Casey ...MARAJ

He then went from " the boy" the Christian which he was SO SO SO happy for.

Christian- I can finally say, "Hi my name is Christian" . i like it.

He hugs her again. And pulls back and looks in her eyes and starts to tear up then cries ...

Christian- please don't ever leave me please....I was so scared. I was scared someone was gonna get me, that my dad was gonna find me and kill me, I was scared I wasn't gonna find you and I was gonna be alone for the rest of my life. Mommy please please please don't leave me..again.

That's when Nicki CRIED the hardest, to see her child she never knew of at all, that existed in this world, saying those exact words was the worst feeling ever. That guilt and regret just started coming back and piling back on her...