TOF's Big Book of Awesomeness

If I were to have an interview

{This is being written when I didn't have any wi-fi so this might be later published...}
I began thinking, and wondering... what if I were to have an interview? I think this is how it would turn out:

Announcer: We now welcome our host: Jimmy Bob Bobby Jim!
JBBJ: Hello everybody! Today we have our special guest!: Tof!
*I'd walk up all awkwardly and almost tripping.*
JBBJ: Tof, please take a seat.
*tries to act humorous and actually pick up and seat and begin to take it away, people are looking at me silently because that is sooo old.*
JBBJ: ... Anyway! Tof, first question: What are you famous for?
Me: ... Uh, I'm not... famous.
JBBJ: ... Oh.

*Quite a long pause, so long that they make it commercial.*
*On commercial*

JBBJ: This girl isn't even famous why do we have her on our show?!
Me: Why am I even here? Right now I need to work on Everybody's Got a Dark Side... Will You Love Mine? or even Something About Him... hmm, or maybe I should work on my Je- wait! It's a secret~ 😋
*JBBJ walks up to me*
JBBJ: Ok, so you're not famous, then what are you good for?
Me: Oh thanks for the self-esteem boost...

JBBJ uses SELF-ESTEEM LOWERER
Tof's self-esteem cannot go any lower!

Me: Well... I've read Paper Towns.
JBBJ: ...
Me: I've got my awesome subs? {Psst, you guys are really awesome}
JBBJ: ...
Me: I've breathed?
JBBJ: Perfect!

*Commercial ends*

JBBJ: We're back! And I'm here with Tof, who has breathed!

*family watching channel at home*

Mother: ... Wow, such a rebel girl.
Father: How dare she do such a thing?!
Son: One day I'm going to breathe just like her!
Mother: No! Where have I gone wrong?! *sounds like mother from asdf movie*

{What am I writing?! Please explain this to me, I think I should end this book... idk...}

JBBJ: Shocker I know.

{Dang it I keep thinking about Tamaki when he takes the coffee from Haruhi.
Tamaki: What is this I've never seen it before...
Haruhi: It's coffee.
Tamaki: Oh I've heard of this you just add hot water.
Rich girl: Wait so commoners don't even have time to ground up their own coffee beans?
Kyoya: Commoners are pretty smart.
Hikaru: It's cheaper than what we use.
Haruhi: Geez I'm sorry I didn't buy you expensive coffee, I'll go get some...
Tamaki: No, it's ok, I'll keep it.
*everyone gasps*
Tamaki: *stands up holding coffee in the air* I will drink this coffee!
*everyone's gasping and clapping while Haruhi's mentally facepalming.*
Haruhi: I hate these damn rich people...}
{Sorry I haven't had wi-fi for awhile so I'm going a bit crazy 😜}

Anyways...

JBBJ: Tof, why don't you tell us about yourself?
Me: Uh... ok, I've been writing stories since I was young, I would always lose them or rip them up though, but I've always wanted to become an author after that, just writing stories makes me happy, and I was hoping for people to one day grab my book, read it, smile, and read it again, wanting to never put it down, I started to change though, and becoming indecisive, but now I think I'm on the right track-
JBBJ: Blah blah blah go to the interesting stuff.
Me: Oh uh... *needs to think for hasn't accomplished much in life*......
JBBJ: *whispers to producer* I think this girl is crazy... grab the straight coat.
Me: I'm not crazy! It's not like I haven't had wi-fi for almost two weeks or anything heh heh...

Someone please help me.