Fall For You

(35)

I bite my lip, eyes flickering back to meet his for a split second before darting away again.

"I'm not good at this," he admits, voice low. "But I want to try. For you."

There is a pause, heavy but fragile.

"Who was that woman you were talking to in the café?" Alex asks, gently. "Is she one of your lecturers here?"

"Does it matter?" I snap back, answering his question with one of my own. I don't mean to snap at him. Not when he's just trying to be here for me. I don't like talking about Eleanor with anyone. It's better if I just leave that case closed.

"I'm only asking because I'm worried about you, Gem," he says, shifting from one foot to the other. "You looked really uncomfortable."

That's because I fucking was. 

He's so sweet and perceptive. He notices everything. I want to be mad at him for pushing for answers, but I can't be.

"If she is one of your lecturers," he adds carefully, "then, maybe, you should transfer out of her class."

I glare at him. "No, Alex. She's not one of my lecturers."

"Okay." He holds up one hand as if surrendering. "Who is she then?"

I pause. My throat tightens as the words I want to say get trapped. 

Finally, I whisper, "She's... my mother."

"Your mother?" Alex repeats, like he's testing the weight of the word. 

I nod, slowly. Still avoiding his gaze. "Yeah. Eleanor."

"That explains a lot," he says, letting out a quiet breath, like he's processing more than just her name. 

"Like... why I'm so fucked up?" I say with a bitter laugh before biting my lip.

"No," Alex says firmly. "You're not fucked up, Gem. I just meant that it explains why you didn't want to talk about your parents. Why that subject is off limits."

"Yeah, it's, um, it's complicated," I admit.

"Please, don't bite my head off," Alex begins. 

I can't help the small smile that tugs at my lips. 

"I make no promises," I try to tease, but it just comes out flat.

"Maybe you should talk to someone about it. It might help."

I stare at him. "It probably would... but I can't."

Alex smiles. "Not even if I'm offering my world-class listening skills?"

I laugh, shaking my head. "World-class, huh? You must really think highly of yourself."

"Well, if I don't, who will?" Alex asks, that teasing flirtatiousness in his tone. "I can listen, but I make no promises that I won't zone out and start thinking about... I don't even know what."

I laugh again, realizing that Alex's picked up the fact that I don't want to talk about it. That I'm not ready. He's just here, trying to lighten the mood for me. I'm silently grateful.

"Do you want to hang out with me?" Alex asks. 

I glance at him, surprised by his offer. "What do you have in mind?"

He shrugs. "We could... walk around for a bit, or go back to the dorm or the sorority, grab something to eat? It's up to you."

"We could go back to the dorm," I offer. "That way you can study."

I know that Alex probably has things to do this afternoon. Readings, assignments. He's always staying on top of things and I don't want to be the reason that he feels study guilt.