RACHEL-
I woke up sweating. Justin was still sound asleep so I quietly got up and walked out of the room. I stood in the hallway and slid down the wall. I sighed. It was so real; when Jake left it was like how I felt when he died. I stood up. I needed cool air. I walked outside in my pj's down to the ocean. I let the waves wash over my feet and the wind whip my hair around my face. The ocean created a mist that hit my face and mixed with my tears. I stood there staring out at the water, even after I was freezing. How was I supposed to see him again? I miss him so much, his smile, his laugh, and the way he got himself out of trouble. Just the thought of how he would come up with some stupid excuse to tell mom and dad, it made me smile. I wiped my eyes and walked along the side of the water staring at my feet.
“Rachel?” I heard a groggy voice ask. I turned around. There was no one there. “Rachel!” The voice obviously knew it was me. I looked around again and just shook it off. No one called my name again. The sun started to rise but I still wasn’t ready to go back. I stopped at sat in the sand, squeezing my eyes closed and thinking of Jake. The dream was still crystal clear. He looked so happy in it. He was peaceful. I hope that’s how he is in heaven. I thought. Jake deserves to be happy. So do you, so stop dwelling on his death, you know he wouldn’t want you to. A voice in my head said. I sighed. It was right, Jake would want me to move on and live life, I just couldn’t. I could see all of the sun so I knew it was at least 7:00. No one would be up yet. So I sat there, my mind buzzing.
***
I sat outside for hours. I decided then it was time to head back. I walked into the hotel and Julie, Kenny and Justin were in the lobby.
“Thank god you’re okay.” Julie said running over and examining me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I mumbled. Justin walked over.
“Don’t ever to that again.” He said trying to grab my hand.
“Guys I need space.” I said running my hand through my hair. They both backed up. I looked at them both. The worried expressions on their faces. They looked just like Jake when he asked me to forgive him. I broke into tears and ran off.
JUSTIN-
“Rach! Babe come back, what’s wrong?” I asked following her. She didn’t make it very far before she slid down a wall in tears. I ran over to her and sat down. I put my arm around her shoulders. Julie wasn’t far behind.
“Rachel what’s wrong?” Rachel just shook her head. I sat there and rocked her back and forth. Eventually the tears subsided and Rachel stood up.
“Sorry.” She mumbled to Julie and I. I searched her eyes but she didn’t make eye contact with me. “I need to make a phone call.” She said then she walked back to the elevator.
RACHEL-
I just had a massive meltdown and I felt like a complete loser for it. There was only one person that could make me better. Well two, but I didn’t really want to talk to my therapist. I got back into the room and grabbed my phone Chaz and Ryan were awake and they both looked so relieved when I walked in. I walked straight out to the balcony. I called the one person that was always there for me, my best friend Jessica.
“Jess, its Rachel.”
“Hey hunny, you sound like you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”
“I had a dream.”
“About?”
“Jake.” Then was silence on the other end of the phone.
“What happened?”
“He told me to be happy, and that I should forgive myself, and that I never did anything wrong.”
“You didn’t, he told you good things.”
“I miss him; everything was so… fun when he was around.”
“You can still have fun hun. This dream was to show you something. Jake wants you to move on.”
“I can’t though.”
“Why?”
“It’s my fault he was out there. It’s my fault Jake died.”
“No, you didn’t kill Jake. You two got in a fight, he went out for air.”
“I never got to apologize. He died hating me.” Tears were streaming from my eyes.
“Rachel! He never hated you. Jake loved you and you know that.”
“That’s what he said in my dream, he said ‘I love you forever and on.’”
“And he does.”
“Why’d I have that dream about him now?”
“I don’t know hunny. Sometimes things like that sneak up on us. Go have fun in the Bahamas, and call me whenever you need me. I love you.”
“Thanks Jess, love you too.” I hung up. I stood staring out at nothing letting the red in my eyes fade away. I wiped the remainder of my tears from my eyes and walked back inside. Everyone was in the room. I looked around and smiled a wimpy smile. No one smiled back. I bit my bottom lip and walked to sit down on my bed with Raisin.
“Okay, now explain.” Justin said. I gave him a confused look.
“Nothing to explain.” I said.
“So I should just expect that as a normal thing?” he asked. I shook my head.
“I just had a moment. Okay?” Justin came and picked Raisin up and moved her sitting next to me.
“I just worry about you.” He said.
“Don’t.” I replied. Justin closed his eyes.
“I love you Rachel, its impossible not to worry.” I flopped back on the bed.
“Everyone is safe so no worries okay?” I said looking up at him. He looked at me, but nodded. I sighed. Then my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“It’s Scooter.”
“Mmmk talk.” I said.
“About the songs. We are just going to do collab songs for Justin’s.”
“Why?”
“Kim just said we should do that since they are love songs.”
“Okay. Will do.” I said hanging up.
“Who was that?” Justin asked.
“Your manager.”
“Still calling you I see.” Justin said.
“Yup.” I said with a smile. Jake would want me to be happy. So guess what, I will be.
