Crescendo

Chapter 26

I met Jay at his favorite restaurant, a coffee shop in town. He sat in the back corner early. He was always punctual and responsible, and from the way his hand trembled when he pulled out my chair, he was nervous too.

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile despite my nerves nearly getting the best of me.

"How was the drive?" Jay asked.

"Fine," I responded. "I got stuck in a little traffic on Seventh Street."

"Yeah, I came from the other direction of town."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you still staying at the hotel?"

He shook his head. "I'm living with a friend right now. I like it a lot better, actually. But not having room service sucks."

"Yeah, I bet," I laughed lightly.

After we ordered our coffee, I cleared my throat. "Why am I here? I mean, why are we here?"

"Wow," he said, whistling. "You want to get straight into it, huh?"

I pinched my lips together, then said, "I don't want there to be any confusion about what this is. You wanted to see me; I'm here. I just want an explanation now, okay?"

"Well," he said, "I guess the first thing is I wanted to apologize."

I glanced up from the table, meeting his gaze. "For what?" You didn't ruin our relationship; I did.

"For the way things ended," he said. "I don't think it was the right way to deal with the circumstances."

I bit the inside of my cheek, keeping my thoughts to myself, remembering the day he came into my condo and told me it was over while I fixed breakfast. He met someone else, someone who could be there for him in ways I couldn't. Then, not too long after, he was engaged.

"It wasn't the most sensitive way to deal with it, but I understood," I said. Unfortunately, there was little left to my imagination.

Jay shook his head. "I don't think you do. I didn't plan on breaking up. I just spat it out on impulse, and I'm sorry. I've thought a lot about it since then, and ending a three-year relationship for a second of doubt isn't okay."

I stared at him, confused. "It was a long time ago."

"It wasn't that long ago," he said, shifting to the side and pulling out a book from his bag. My book. "I never felt good about it. And then I read this." He held it up accusingly. "Did you write this about us?"

"I mean..." I stammered over my words. He stared at me, and suddenly, I forgot how to form sentences.

"It's okay if you did," he interrupted, putting me out of my misery. "I just... I never read it until now."

"It's based on us," I said, sighing. "But it's not us. I mean, obviously, it's fiction, right?"

"What about the ending?" he asked.

"What about it?"

"They end up together, Blair. 'A love that travels time and space, atoms unceasingly colliding.' You wrote that. After all this time, after I broke your heart, you feel that way?"

If I had known he'd be asking me so many questions, I would have ordered an extra espresso shot. "It was a long time ago, Jay, regardless of whether you think it was." I straightened in my chair. "I felt that way when the breakup was still fresh. But then you were married, and I got sober and had a career, and I didn't have time to dwell on whether we could have been something bigger than we were. And at the end of the day, you still chose to break up with me. That was your decision, and that's fine. I've tried hard not to be mad at you for it, but I don't know what else you want from me here."