Crescendo

Chapter 25

I walked into my apartment and tossed my keys into the dish by the door. It was empty and quiet, just as I had left it. My footsteps echoed as I walked down the hall, remembering how happy I had woken up.

Daniel and I barely spoke as I grabbed my things, making up an excuse about a book signing I forgot to mention earlier. He knew it was a lie, but didn't say so. He didn't want me to stick around either. And when I left, there was no screaming, no arguing, but silence.

He couldn't apologize for answers he didn't have; the answers that I had wanted. I also couldn't ignore the morally grey area that our relationship lived in. I was wrong to agree to his stupid plan. That much was obvious.

"Just text me when you get home, okay?" he asked, holding open the door to my car.

"Yeah," I responded as I slid inside, taking refuge from the awkward situation I had created. "I will."

And I did.

After he shut the door, I drove home in silence, punishing myself for being an idiot. I shouldn't have gotten attached, and I certainly shouldn't have let him do that thing with his tongue twice.

But I was weak, apparently, and incapable of a casual relationship. The revelation came a little too late.

"Made it home safe," I texted, debating adding more to the message. Eventually, I gave up on trying to better the situation and sent it with hopes that he'd come up with something better to say.

I went to the kitchen and pulled out a fresh box of cereal that Tess had likely restocked for me while I was gone. I wanted to tell her about my night. But she wouldn't understand my sudden distaste for the arrangement. I told her my relationship with Daniel was a business deal, less than twenty-four hours before I wanted to whine that it wouldn't ever be more than that.

Even I wouldn't take myself seriously.

I needed someone who had experience dealing with my bullshit. A seasoned veteran of the ways of Blair. So I went through my contacts and called the person I could always rely on, even if her support was accompanied by an attitude.

"Hey," Mia answered, her voice crackling on the other end. It was still early, and I was surprised she was awake.

"Hey," I said, picking out the marshmallow bits in my cereal.

"Jesus, man. It's been forever." I could hear a microwave in the background beeping eagerly, wanting to keep her attention. I had interrupted her breakfast.

"Yeah," I half laughed. "A lot's been going on."

"No shit," she said. "Blow jobs in the parking lot. Wild. I didn't think you had it in you."

My cheeks burned. I'm never going to live that down. "Well, you know, when the moment strikes..."

Mia hummed in agreement. "We've all been there."

Have we? I wasn't sure she believed it, but it was comforting that she would roll with my absurdity.

That was her specialty. I had known her since middle school, and although there were periods when we didn't get along the best, she was reliable, and on a day when I couldn't tell her exactly why I was upset, she was there to talk me down.

"Oh," she said. "Have you talked to Jay yet?"

I frowned. My mood worsened at the mention of him. I didn't know there was a level below rock bottom, but the image of Jay dropped my spirit to the subfloor below it. "No," I sighed. "He keeps calling." And leaving voicemails.

Mia scoffed. "Yeah, it's probably because he wants to talk to you."

No shit. "I don't want to talk to him," I said, admitting it out loud. Sure, Daniel distracted me, but sitting down to reminisce with Jay was the last thing on my to-do list, right underneath getting a haircut from Sweeney Todd.

Mia paused. "I really think you should. I can't tell you what to do, but at least allow him to tell you what happened."

I laughed. Bitterness bubbled inside me, agitating me further. "I know what happened." I didn't need to be reminded that my problems and my grief had ruined our relationship. He stuck it out as long as he could, but even love has boundaries.

Mia drew a long breath, giving up on convincing me. "Do you want to get drinks sometime? You know, a virgin drink," she said, correcting herself.

"Where?" I said.

"You can choose."

I thought of the French bistro that Dana had taken me to and the pub where Jay and I used to talk until the sun came up. My heart was heavy again, and going out wouldn't ease it. "Do you want to come over?" I asked, entertaining the idea of a night in with a bottle of wine for her and a chocolate-covered treat for me.

Mia chuckled. "Like a sleepover?"

"Exactly."

There was a sigh, and then she responded. "Blair, I'm really busy at work." The humor in her voice had disappeared. "I can't take time off just to spend the night."

"Okay," I said, confused. "I guess I'll talk to you later, then."

"Yeah," she said, "just let me know when you decide where you want to meet for that drink."

"I will," I said quickly before hanging up the phone.

I slumped onto the couch, feeling lonelier than before. Since when had she become too busy to visit me at my condo? I tried not to be sour, but after my brief morning with Daniel, it was hard to stay positive.

"Allow him to tell you what happened."

I sighed, navigating through my phone until I found Jay's contact. My thumb hovered over the call button, waiting for me to work up the nerve.

And then, just as I was about to bite the bullet, a single text from Daniel arrived.

"Good." My stomach sank after reading his indifferent response. I swiped it away and called Jay, ready to hear whatever he had to say.