Galaxy Eyes and A Poisoned Heart

Um, Oliver

Oliver: That is not at all how it happened.

Celestia: It kinda is.

Oliver: No. I mean, I know you had the hots for me but I was obviously much more awesome than that.

Celestia: Then you tell it, asshat.

I was running from hellhounds, kay? These mothers are HUGE. I'm talking house huge, not fucking Great Dane huge. So you fully understand why I was running. I never run, unless it's for pizza. Cause let's be real, pizza is some bomb ass shit.

Sorry for all the cussing. Anyway, I was running and I was like 'hey, a motel, seems like a nice place to stay. All motel-y and shit.'

Celestia: Hotel.

Oliver: Whatever.

I walk in and there was this chic. And of course I'm gonna hit on her. I mean, let's be serious, I hit on Medusa once. I am literally Captain Jack Harkness.

And I swear she literally rolled from where she was sitting just so I would trip on her.

Celestia: No, I didn't.

Oliver: WAIT YOUR TURN AND STFU!

So, I did, in fact, trip on her. And then, I fell for her, in more ways then one. Anyway, none of the mushy gushy stuff, but I could tell she had a total lady boner for me.

Still, she drew her tiny little hunting blades and I drew my sonic screwdriver. No, it's not a real one, that would be awesome, but it did something pretty cool.

She stared at it doubtfully for a moment before I hit a button and it extended into a full sized Stygian iron sword. More accurately called 'Stygian Ice'. Forged from the very ices of the Styx river. But yeah, it pops right out of there like a boner.

"Who are you?" I asked, because this chic was going all fucking zen in some abandoned hotel. Who does that?

Celestia: Me.

Oliver: Oh. My. Gods. Shut up. This isn't /your/ chapter.

"Celestia, apprentice of Astria." Just like that. Like she suddenly ran out of a closet dressed in rainbow. I honestly would have been less surprise if she would have done so. But no. She was apprentice of the asteroid queen. And she hadn't even taken a second to question whether or not she should tell me. Too mesmerized by my extreme attractiveness apparently.

That's when I replied. "Oliver, apprentice of nunyo business." That comment was met with a lovestruck smile. I returned her smile and shrunk my sonic into its original form then added. "Hades actually, but close enough." Then I gave her a dashing grin and she literally made one of those 'ahhhhhh' sounds you make when you see a hot guy. Yeah, I know, I've done it too.

Celestia: No I did not. And I was not lovestruck either you moron.

Oliver: Yes you did, you were like 'ahhhhh' you know. Like that one turtle 'ahhhhhh'.

"So Astria huh?" I asked like, really smooth.

"Yeah, Hades must be..." Bla Bla Bla. I zoned out when I heard a howl rip through the mid day. But as Tia said, this was not at all normal. This was like nails on a chalkboard combined with a wolf howl and it was horrific as fuck.

"Hellhounds." We said like synchronized, very horrified, cheerleaders.

I was about to be like 'fuck this shit'. When I saw Celestia change to her full form. I knew I couldn't ditch her so I followed suit, gaining two feet and four wings.

She got like, well hotter, if possible. She had stars in her hair. And like stuff. No time to explain how hot she was. There isn't much time.

Anywho, they burst through the doors like slow mo, like in a movie. Then there was a deep sound in the background like 'fuck' but really slow. It was probably me. Next thing I knew I was back to back with a tiny munchkin. Then we were battling. She did well with her blades, killing several and holding her own.

But I was awesomer.

Celestia: 'Awesomer' isn't a word.

Oliver: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhh sh

I killed them like 1234, 7654, 8910. I used barely any strength. It was like they were asking for it.

Just as suddenly, all of them were dead. I returned to my human form as quickly as possible as she made some sexual comment and I hit on her.

"We should team up. We should also kiss..." She -

Celestia: Oliver no.

Oliver: Oliver YES

"Sorry babe, can't, I've got a higher cause. And I know you're like totally falling for me. But like, I can't go for you cause I have some world saving to do." I dusted off my shoulders.

"But hellhounds, Bla Bla Bla, you're hot."

"I know, I know, but you need to keep your lady boner in your pants."

"Okay, but Bla Bla Bla, New York. You can shadow travel right?" She looked at me with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Celestia: oh my gods Oliver I hate you

"Yeah." I flexed my muscle.

"How far?"

"About 1 billion miles." I shrugged, exaggerating a bit.

Celestia: .....a bit?

"Okay, Bla Bla Bla."

And somehow, thanks to her, we ended up on the top of the fucking Empire State Building.  "Oh, great fucking job."

Celestia: it's called astral projection for the umpteenth time.

Oliver: eh whatever

"Uh."