The Loner

Introduction:

I've always been a quiet person, never liked talking to people much. Mostly kept to myself. I also never had any friends. People never liked me either. They thought I was the odd one, the creepy girl. It hurt. But no one ever cared enough to stand up for me for a chance. I've never liked the way I looked, the way people looked at me funny, or even how I breathed. I finally took in that I didn't like myself at all. But if only I had just one person, who gave me a sliver of hope, and who wanted to get to know me better, they'd just be horrified.

On the outside, people saw a wonderful family, but they didn't know the real them. My mother was a drug addict, and my father was an abusive alcoholic. Living in that environment was gruesome, scary, and unreal. Have you ever went out in public and observed a family, you think they are just wonderful and perfect? Maybe they were just putting on a show, for others to watch. That's what my family does. Make it look like we were the perfect family, nothing wrong ever happened. It was all a lie. A thick velvet curtain covering the truth. I though it was just wrong.

Chapter 1: The beginning-

New Orleans, Louisiana. My parents were mad in 'love' at the wrong age. Seventeen. They had already gotten pregnant and planned out the wedding they would soon be having. They were way to young to already have this planned. Well that month they got married, and also had me. When I grew up I had the worst childhood. My father always came home from the bar, the stench of alcohol stained his clothes. He always had a reason to beat my mother and I. If something wasn't perfect, or even dinner wasn't the way he liked it, he took it out on us. My mother was always on something terrible for her. She was never there for me. I never knew what she had been doing to herself until I was a little older.

I never had birthday parties, or ever received present. Most children are looking forward to their birthday parties, but I had never gotten one. It really sucked. Christmas was the time where I rarely felt any joy in that. But I never have. When I would watch movies with the families who were tightly bonding together, I was jealous. Hatred ran through my veins. Why couldn't my family be like them? I've always imagined how wonderful my life might have been if I had different parents. I was depressed. I had also done things to hurt myself. I wasn't proud of it, but that's what I did, I don't know why... It just came over me to do it. This only started in sixth grade, way to young of an age to be doing those things to myself.

In middle school I got picked on ALL the time. It got worse every single day. The gorgeous girls always laughed at me, called me every name in the book. But I had one friend that really meant the world to me. Her name was Lizzy Myers. She was my one and only best friend. The only person I had in my life that would hopefully always be their for me. Lizzy and her amazing family that did so many things for me. They knew that I lived in a terrible home, but they didn't know about my parents. Lizzy always took me to the mall. I had enjoyed going, but I never had any money to get anything, but Lizzy wouldn't allow it, she always gave me the money I needed. I never knew how to repay her.

Lizzy grew up in a very rich Christian family. I respected them for going to church. I've always dreamed about going and learning about Jesus. The stores she told me were spectacular. I really looked up to them and their faith. I knew that if I ever needed anything, anything at all in the world, they would surely be the kind hearted people they are and do it for me.

My first year of high school was pure hell. People, girls in general were the most terrible. The worst thing they did was lock me out of the locker room in the hallway half naked. I was mortified. Eventually after minutes of pounding my fists on the door, our gym teacher finally heard and let me in. Of course they had an excuse that it was all an accident. I swear they never got in trouble. Many, MANY other horrifying things also happened in my first two years of high school. But there were just too many to name them all.