Stirring; moving, if only the slightest bit, atop white sheets made of the finest silk. It could just be my imagination, but it seems for the district which specialises in textiles they've sure spared no expense to gather only the finest textiles for us. From the myriad of clothes lining our closets, to the fine woven carpet lining every floor, to the very bed sheets I lay on now. My body is curved into a U, cocooned around my baby boy who lies restlessly against the mattress. I smile, tickling his cheeks, feeling his fingers clench and release around mine. His little blue eyes take in the world around him every day, and it's more beautiful than anything I've ever witnessed in my entire life.
I feel Rayon's hands brush over my arms smoothly, resting around my wrists while his body fits itself around me perfectly. His breath tickles my ear and I smile, as he whispers: "We need to get going."
"I know," I reply, sighing heavily. It's been three days since we left home; three days in the Capitol, and I fear them every time I wake up. What will happen next? Is it finally the day I have to say goodbye to my son? But, I know we still have the Private Training Sessions and the Interviews to get through before that day comes. I breathe in slowly, relaxing in Rayon's embrace. My head rests against his strong arm tucked neatly against my shoulder. I have everything right here in this room; the only man I've ever loved more than life itself, and the baby we had together, our son.
"And we still need to pick a name. It's been three days, Ramie. The boy needs his name." Rayon whispers smilingly. I shake my head against his forearm.
"I know." I groan, staring at the baby's head. I know we can't just keep calling him "The Baby" or "him." But we haven't been able to agree on a name since he was born. First we started discussing the ideas we had before he'd been born, in the train on our way here. Then it became a routine, every day we had a moment to ourselves a name seemed to be the topic of discussion. I think it's mainly me holding us back from making a decision. I know what Rayon wants to call him. And I can feel him getting ready to bring it up, again.
"What about the name we discussed? About a month ago, remember? It was--"
"Fin, I know." I interrupt.
"Yeah. Fin. I like it, you know? It's a symbol of both of our pasts; it was both my father's name and yours."
"I know, Rayon, I know." I whisper, gazing at the wall ahead of us. I have my reasons for not wanting to name our son after my father. I think back to the Reaping, and what he'd said. I can't in good conscience name my son after a man who could do something so despicable. I don't think Rayon suspects that I know. He seems to be keeping his visitations a secret. I keep asking him, hoping he'll step up and tell me the truth, and I can be mad then. But he won't. He just says, "Grandmother came to see me. She was quite emotional. Raffia came too, to say goodbye, you know how close we were." And I can't get anything else out of him. I usually just drop the subject, but it bothers me that he thinks he has to keep it from me. Especially when I already know.
"So, what's your hold up?" His curious tone interrupts my train of thought, and suddenly I am struggling to find words to fill in the silence. Then there is a hesitant knock at the door, and I am relieved that I do not have to answer; this time, anyway.
"Are you decent?" It's Felix; he must be on his way to remind us for the umpteenth time that we have a training session to attend. After two days in the group training, one would think we'd had enough. But now is our chance, I remind myself. Our chance to earn a high score, approval with the Gamemakers, and maybe a sponsor or two. I breathe in slowly and reply.
"Yes, come in." He enters and smiles at us. They gave Rayon and I separate rooms, but we've hardly a mind to use the other. Rayon ended up sneaking into my room the first couple of nights, and finally, Felix said he didn't mind if we shared.
"The clock is ticking," he taps a finger on his watch several times, for emphasis. "I heard that District One is already having a go at it. You'll be up before you know it, so, chop chop!" He claps his hands together and approaches the bed. Smiling, I lift the baby into his arms, and Rayon leaves my side. I watch him head for his room to change, and I know he's angry. The scowl on his face proves it.
"Thank you for taking him, Felix." I say politely, as Felix begins walking toward the door.
"Oh I don't mind it at all, he's such a jolly good fellow." He grins and looks down at the baby. "Have you decided on what you'll be calling him?" I'm getting a little tired of hearing Felix ask that; he does it every time we meet, like it's something he must know, the answer to a test question or something.
"No, not yet." I press a few buttons on the tablet beside my closet, selecting what I will wear to training today. "Rayon really wants to name him Fin, after our fathers." I don't know why I feel like telling him this, he's just some frilly Capitol man with no real interest in our lives. So why does it feel right?
"And you're opposed?" He asks, looking at me. I freeze, staring at him. How could a man like him ever guess? Was it my tone? "Wear the black and pink one, Dear. We want to show them unity among partners." He murmurs, watching me surf the list of items in my closet.
"Sure." I mutter, turning back to the task. "I oppose because--because my father is nothing to be proud of. Why should I want my son named after a man I can't be proud of?"
"Well, what is it your father has done to make you, uh, not proud?"
