Echoes from Anna

Chapter 1

This chapter works as more of an introduction , it's very skimmed over and brief, just to help lead into the actual story.

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Bella's POV

I wanted to say her name over and over in my head. I wanted to say it until it hurt. I wanted to say it until a single thought couldn't pass through my head without her name flooding into it.

When you lose someone, the way I lost her, the first thing you feel is the pain. It just hurts so much and you want it to go away so badly. You want everything to go back to the way it was. You want it to go back to the way it was before the aching, before the agony that came crashing in from their absence.

But that's the thing. It will never be like it used to be.

So, once the pain is gone and time has passed, you just feel empty.

That's when the strangest thing happens, something you would have never had expected. That's when you realise you want the pain back.

You see, If you'd known that it was your last physical connection to them, if it was the last time you'd feel them. Then you would off clung to the pain with all you had. You would've sat in it, soaked yourself in it, you would dwell in it forever. Because without it, you realise she's really gone. There's nothing left without that pain.

So, that's what I decided to do. I decided to stay here, in this dark place, absorbing every bit of the pain. Because the alternative seemed so much more horrifying.
Letting her go, that would be what really hurt.

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It had been six months since she died.
Six months of having my own room and six months of not wanting to look into a mirror, not wanting to see her eyes looking back at me.

For the first time in this life, I wished that weren't identical twins. Maybe then my mother could look at me without the constant reminder that I was here and Anna wasn't. Maybe I wouldn't be a constant reminder that the wrong one died.
My mother knew that Anna deserved this life. Anna worked hard to make it shine and I just sat on the side lines watching her. Just passing time and watching her live out a life that I was unable to grasp.

These are the things that never occurred to me. I thought my reflection would be a comfort, but instead I want to smash the glass with my hands, to pull her out, or climb in after her.
I thought I could remember everything she had told me and that would bring some solace. But it just makes everything harder. The traces of her in my head were almost as bad as the traces of her that were left in the room we had once shared.

After she died, I had to be the one who decided what happened to her things. Her clothes, her books, the sheets that she slept on, no one came into our room to take them. Though, I had waited for someone to do just that.

It was almost like I expected someone to come and collect it all and take them to her. My mind simply couldn't comprehend her not needing them anymore.

No one would ever believe me if I told them, but Anna knew she was going to die. She had told me a long time ago, trying to give me time to adjust to the idea of life without her, as if that was something I could ever comprehend.

She had made me promise that when the day came and we weren't together, that I would go back to Forks.

She told me that I belonged there, that he would be here waiting for me and that I needed him. She said he could help.