Help me I am in hell

Everyday is exactly the same

Sorry that it takes always so long. Should sleep anyway. Ugh. Too much work. :(

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When I woke up I have seen him next to me. Sleeping. I know he does not like it when someone is watching him sleep. Carefully I got up and went to the bathroom, which was big and pretty. There was a huge mirror and I was a bit shocked about what I have seen. I forgot that I had all this make up on my face and it looked horrible after sleeping with it on. So I washed my face first and then went into the shower. It was needed. I smelled and my skin was sticky from all the sweat. There was shower gel and shampoo in the shower and so I washed my hair too. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I didn't think about what happened the last days and just enjoyed the warm water on my skin and on my head. I leant me back and didn't recognize that there was someone in the bathroom too.

"Here are the clothes you have to wear and here is some nice deep red lipstick and some eyeliner. I wish that you paint on your face like a woman would do. So no smearing the make up. I will put your breakfast on the table. It will be enough for you and Manson.", Trent said and left again. I finished showering and get out of the shower. I saw that he laid a fresh towel next to me and I took it and dried me. The clothes he brought me, were a red too tight dress, silk panties and suspenders. >>Really? Is he serious?<<, I thought. First I took the panties and put them on. The silk felt nice and I hated myself for liking the feeling on my skin. Yes it made me somehow horny. The reflection of the mirror showed me how red my cheeks were already. Trent would laugh and call me a dumb, desperate sissy or whatever. Why does he want that I wear those things? I grabbed the dress. It seemed to be very expensive and I had this strange feeling it was made for me. But how should Trent knows my size? I put it on and wow, damn it looked good on me. Now I had really the urge to look good. Am I vain? I giggled and thought that I am just a creative boy who wants to see what is possible. How much I can change myself. My hairs started to dry and I planned what I could do with them. There was a brush and some hairspray and I tried to make them look fluffy like back then when I still had dreads. I backcombed them until I was satisfied. Then I took the eyeliner and tried to make thin lines. This wasn't that easy and I smudged them at least a bit so no one would notice my failing with making them. The red lipstick was matching the dress and somehow I understood what Trent did here. He let me look like the type of girl Manson loves. He loves the colour red and he loves red lipstick on girls, like he does it on himself too. When I was ready I have seen again the suspenders. No, I would not make Trent the favour and wear these. Then I recognized some red shoes with heels. I think I could walk with them but no, no, no. Not with me. I put the lipstick and the eyeliner back on the washbasin, so Manson can paint his face on too if he wants to.

When I went out of the bathroom he still was asleep. The smell of the breakfast was great, but the air in the room was humid and disgusting. So I opened the curtains and then tilted the windows, so fresh air can come in.

I sat on the bed and watched Manson sleeping. I stroked his head and grinned a bit, because he looked so peaceful. He opened his eyes a bit and looked at me.

It took its time until he recognized me: "... Twiggy?"

I nodded: "Yeah?"

He sat up and examined me.

"What is it?", I asked.

He shook his head: "Nothing, but I didn't expect that."

"Expect what?" I raised an eyebrow.

"That... that you look like that." Was he really blushing?

"It was Trents idea.", I said cold.

He didn't reply anything and stared at me. I wonder what he thought in this moment.

"Here, do you want something to eat?", I asked and reached him a croissant.

The singer received it and smiled before he took a bite of it. When he was ready he stood up and went also into the bathroom and seemed to recognize the suspenders.

"Twiggy I think you forgot something. I think this is a part of your outfit.", he said with a grin while showing me them.

"Uhm yeah. Could be, but I am not a whore to need shit like this.", I said in an angry tune.

But his reaction was only a giggle: "I think Trent would love to see you like this."

"And I think he thinks that YOU would like to see this.", I replied.

Silence.

He came out of the bathroom when he was done with showering and putting on his make up.

"Yeah maybe I really would like to see this.", he said sheepish and blushed.

"What?" I wasn't much amused about this. I had the feeling he took this whole situation not serious. Yeah I put that stuff on and I know how silly this was. I should have keep looking for an exit to escape, instead of thinking of how my hair would look good. But somehow I knew that there is no escape. This was a situation I had to go through. This was the time to realize what I will do in the future. This was a test how I would react and it seems that I will loose. This man in front of me is a damn bastard. I was glad to see him never again. But now he is here in front of me. It seems that you can't run away from your past, if you aren't really through. And so I have to ask myself what this human means to me. Somehow everything is like it was always. Like it would be normal we share a hotel room. Like it was when we were on tour. But are we even friends anymore? Trent wants to play his psycho games with us. It must be for his entertainment only. It seems he got old and bored. I don't want to be with all those bunch of freaks anymore.

I want to flee but somehow...

Somehow I react totally different from what I want to do. Why do I have the urge to be with Manson... Manson... How I hate it. This is Brian. It is like a bad joke and he should move on. Get finally adult.

While I thought again too much he came closer to me and hugged me. I heard his heart beating.

Yeah I had to admit that I liked that. To be close to him.

A knocking on the door, then it opened: "Aww you two are too cute.", Trent said and I felt that this whole shit repeats again...

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Wow what a bad meaningless chapter. Sorry. I hope the next one will be better. :(

And again English is not my mother language. :P