Unfathomable Truths

Chapter 17

This is the universal law of life, it goes on. Even when the person you thought will be there forever, leaves; the circle of life keeps rotating, making room for new possibilities and new memories. But the sad reality of life is our memories; because even though we want to forget the one person so much, that person won't leave our thoughts because the memory of them is too strong. Their presence, their scent, their words; it all seems to never fade away. The memory of them hurts us and that is what the memory of Josh was doing to Arizona.

Even though it had been less than two months, his presence was etched into the deepest corners of her mind. Just the mere thought of him hurt her, it was painful and yet she wanted to live with this pain. She was trying to justify it all by making herself live in agony, for she thought this is what she deserved. We make our own hell inside our minds because the mind is a cage if you let it. Arizona had caged herself up in her mind, to her there was no redemption for her deeds and she had to live with this forever. Sometimes even if we want to leave it all behind, to just let go of all the pain and sorrow and just start fresh, we can't. Because the choice is never in our hand, the moment you let your happiness and sorrow be controlled by another person you can never leave it all behind. Arizona's happiness was affected by Josh, she was trying to save him but he was killing her or rather her past associated with him which he had no knowledge of whatsoever was killing her. As they say, you can't outrun your past as it eventually catches up to you. Even though she had come to Spain, a thousand miles away from him but still she thought about him all the time.

"Is this what they call love? The nagging feeling in my heart like it's about to explode, is this love? It is consuming me like a disease; it is a disease and nothing else." – She thought

She walks towards the balcony and light a cigarette. The smoke gets mixed with the soothing breeze of the sea; the only sound which can be heard is of the waves crashing on the shore. She looks down at the waves, her heart filled with emotion but her face showing none. The ultimate price of being a killer is that it changes you from the inside; you can stop everything you feel from reaching your face. The face is the only thing that gives everyone the facade that she is fine, while everything inside of her is broken. The face holds many secrets but a murderer's face holds none.

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Josh came back to his home after visiting Natalie. It was a good vacation but still he had no clue as to where Arizona was. He had given up on searching her but still he worried about her. Lily's death was too painful and Arizona was easing the pain, if only little by little but it was easing. It was still a mystery to him as to why she had left when things were going so much better between them. He walks out of his apartment towards his shop, thinking about Arizona's plight. Suddenly he stops in his tracks as he sees her in front of him with another guy.

Dahlia also sees Josh; she stops dead on her tracks as she sees Josh staring at her. She looks up at Mike who is also looking at Josh.

Josh walks forward towards them and smiles as he says,

"Hey Dahlia, how have you been?"

She also forces a smile and says,

"Better. Meet my boyfriend, Mike."

"Hey Mike." – Josh puts his hand forward to shake but Mike just nods

Dahlia looks at Mike and he finally shakes Josh's hand.

"Josh."

"Mike."

"Well we better get going. Nice meeting you, Josh." – Dahlia says and they both walk away

Josh looks at them for quite some time and then speaks to himself,

"How can you be happy after what you did to Lily? But why am I getting this feeling like before that you were faking your smile. I could only see love in his eyes for you, the love you deserve, the love I couldn't give you. But why did that smile feel forced?"

We fall in love so hard sometimes that it physically hurts us. Seeing Josh made Dahlia feel the same. The guilt of the burden lying on her shoulders came back. The thing Lily said rushed back into her mind as she saw him. She carried a burden which was killing her, she had not killed Lily but she knew the name of the killer and yet she had never told Josh. Josh thought that Dahlia killed Lily and that is what Dahlia wanted him to think. She didn't know why, but she wanted Josh to hate her. She wanted him to know the pain he put her through. She wanted to find some kind of justification in it all even if was just a tiny percent.

We humans are reckless when it comes to love, because love is the most nonsensical things but humans still try to love. And we make completely irrational decisions in love, we stop thinking from our rational part of the body and start thinking from the most emotional and sensitive part of the body and that's why decisions are mostly bad when made in love. Dahlia had done the same. If she had told Josh the truth about that night things would have been so different. But the burning fire inside her took control of her desires, the want became greater than need and it happened.

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Josh was reminded of what happened 3 years ago when he saw Dahlia. She was standing there in the pool of Lily's blood, knife in her hand. He had his doubts that Dahlia could never kill anyone but the knife in her hand told a different story. Love makes a person do unspeakable acts without a question; it is truly the most frightening power in the world which can construct as well as destruct. Josh was also blinded by love that is why he couldn't see the big picture. He only saw the knife in Dahlia's hand and assumed that she had killed her and Dahlia didn't deny it. She wanted him to hate her; she wanted him to feel the pain the absence brought. She forgot that she loved Josh in that moment because she let her loneliness take control and burn in the agony he had put her through. Love is a dangerous emotion.

Josh reaches the shop and opens it as he continues on his daily routine, a routine which he had before Arizona came into his life. Josh was falling for Arizona but he didn't know it yet. A person can never tell how much of an impact someone has on him until that one person leaves us. Josh was seeing his life and every little thing without Arizona and he didn't like it. He had grown to love their small banters, her presence and now her absence which had opened another void.