Im a tiny being in a humongous earth

Raabta

Yesterday was but a dream for Claire. It was a momentarily bliss for her. She have always hated this part of herself; her being a mass of contradiction. It was tiring to change emotions with a flick of an eye. In a moment she felt at peace the next, she felt she's at war with the whole universe inside of her. The exhaustion she felt was too extreme that even sleep won't cure this godforsaken feeling. I want to end this. Is a phrase that contains different meaning for her She did not want to die, just because but because she wants to end this endless cycle of pain in her mind, her body and her corrupted soul. She hoped to remember things that she loved; the smiles, the sky, the trees. She wanted to remember how to be genuinely happy. Is that too much to ask? Am I not worthy? She asked desperately in no one in particular.

She changed her clothes and got out of her room to find Lena. The mess hall is bustling with people's chatter. Ludwig voice have outshone everybody. She stared at his carefree face, with people surrounded him with enthusiastic faces. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to taint this person with her dark burdens.

A pat on her shoulder woke her up. "Oi, don't space out at the hallway, it's a way. Get it?" Lena, who was carrying a tray full of foods told her.

"Lena, what do people usually do here?"

Lena's eyebrow raised. "You want to tour?" Though, she didn't knew Claire enough, she assumed that she's a very secluded person. But then again why is she here if she doesn't want to go out? I'm so stupid. Lena thought.

"I don't care."

She nodded as if she expected that's her answer. "Oi! Mang bert! You're coming to Vera falls?"

"Well, if you want to, I don't mind." He grinned at her.

Ludwig seemingly confused asked. "What's Vera falls?"

"Oh right! You talk too much that I forgot you're not from here." He said surprised. "The best falls in this town."

Loud chatter erupted as they planned their expedition. "They're coming?" Claire asked.

"Of course! It's a tradition here that we go in groups there. It's more fun anyways." Claire stayed silent but deep inside, she wanted to be alone, she didn't want her unpleasantness affect their fun. She's a negative force who doesn't belong in a world of warmth.

Ludwig pulled her arm and drag her to their shared room. "Here." He gave her a small hand bag. "Put your things there, and you're not going to a falls dressed like that." She gazed down to her outfit. She never knew jeans and shirt is prohibited there. "Try wearing something easy to move in and easy to change, after all we're going swimming." He said as he pat her head. "I'll be there don't worry."

She slowly looked up to his idiotic face. Worry etched across her face. Don't touch me. You'll just be affected. I don't want to be a burden to you. Her mind screamed. She realized that she considered Ludwig as someone important to her, as her first real friend and she didn't want to drive him away by her dependence. She'll just hurt him with her shifting emotions. She looked away, ashamed of what she felt, ashamed of how selfish she is.

He sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's the problem?"

How many times have she heard that? How many times have she said "nothing"? How many times have people stopped asking, how many people have grown tired of her?

She turned the door knob and said nothing. Why? Why would she trust anyone with her thoughts with her whole being? She's broken and damaged. Saying your problem to someone she deemed is nothing more than ranting. It wouldn't take away her problem nor help her get through them. Doing that just emphasized how weak she is for she couldn't held herself together, couldn't stand up and fix herself. That she was nothing but a mere fault in a world full of beautiful things.