my first love

Chapter 2: Desire

This wasn't the first time that I had fainted because of cutting. I thought that maybe I wouldn't cut anymore after the first time I fainted but I just could never stop. In all I have fainted just about 10 times. I know that that is unhealthy for me because I am losing so much blood, but I can't stop!

Suddenly, I hear a beeping sound. There is a weight on my hand and it feels like a hand. I open my eyes slightly and look around there is a clock next to me that reads;

[10:56 am]

I then feel a sting on my wrist and look at it. There is a bandage wrapped around it with a white ace bandage. I look up to see who is holding my hand. The person that is holding my hand is Samuel. Why is he holding my hand? Why is he in here with Moriah? Why is Moriah even staying here? They are both sleeping, have they been here all night?

I softly move my hand trying not to wake up Samuel but I failed.

He woke up and looked at me with worried eyes,

"Alexandra, how are you feeling?"

I ignored his question and asked, "Why are you guys here?"

I looked at my wrist and tried to hide it under the blanket. It was too late, he grabbed my hand and looked at it with a still concerned face.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked me looking up to me still holding my hand.

"I..I don't want to talk about-" "Why?" He said interrupting me.

"Because no one understands me!" I said slightly raising my voice not trying to wake Moriah up.

Suddenly Samuel stands up and starts to pull off his bracelets. At that point once his bracelets came off of his arm I saw many scars on his wrist. Some of them were deep and some were not. I then felt a feeling in my heart, it was as though my heart was breaking. I hate seeing people go through the same thing that I am going through.

As a tear fell from my eye he sat back down and wiped the tears from my eyes and said, "I know exactly what you are going through. Let me be there for you Alexandra, please?"

For the first time I trusted someone, "Ok, I trust you!"

He smiled slightly and unexpectedly kissed my hand and laid his head on it. I didn't understand what exactly had happened but I think that I got a boyfriend for the first time. And for the first time in a long time I finally peacefully went to sleep. When I woke up I still felt Samuel's head on my hand. I picked my hand up and started to rub his head. He made a funny grunting sound which made me laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" He said looking up at me.

I looked back at his face, "Ha-ha nothing!"

He got up and looked at then sat on the edge of the hospital bed that I was laying on. "I said what are you laughing at?" He said with a mischievous look on his face then suddenly starts to tickle me.

"Ah, Samuel stop it haha. It hurts my stomach!" I said laughing very hard.

He stops abruptly, "I am sorry!"

I look at him, "No Samuel, I didn't mean it like that. I mean I haven't laughed like that in a long time and I will just have to get used to it. By the way when can I leave this place?"

He smiles and utters, "We can leave right now. Plus your parents are probably worried for you."

Then every memory pours into my brain like a tidal wave of my parents fighting, hitting me, and calling me names. I start to cry as all of the memories are pouring into my brain. "I don't want to go home!"

He hugs me tightly saying, "It is okay, I will just bring you to my place!"

I look up to him and ask him, "Are you sure?"

"Heck yeah! My parents are gone for the year and my sister is off to college." He said with an enthusiastic smile on his face.

"Okay." I said trying to get up but unexpectedly feel weak.

Samuel catches me and says, "Let me help you. You are a little weak right now."

"I am fine. I just felt a little oozy. Thank you though." I said getting up to get my clothes since I was in a hospital gown thing and went into the bathroom and changed.

"Wait Samuel. Where is Moriah?" I said walking out of the bathroom.

He looked at me, "She left for school but she said that she hopes that you will feel better!"

"Oh ok." I said getting ready to leave.

Grabbing my hand Samuel proclaimed, "Do you want to get something to eat on the way to my house?"

I smiled, "Sure, what about McDonalds?"

"Whatever you want Alexandra." He said kissing my forehead.

When we were almost out of the hospital I told him, "You know that you don't have to call me Alexandra. Just call me Alex that is what everyone calls me!"

He gazes at me, "Okay, Alex!"

I can't believe that I had just barely encountered Samuel and by now I feel like I am in love with him. I want to be with him endlessly and under no circumstances let him go.

When we get to his house he tells me to lie down on his bed. He was just about to leave when I said, "Please don't leave. I want you to be with me!"

"I wasn't going to leave you. I was just going to put on some Netflix and lay down with you. I would never leave you Alex, Never!" He says getting his remote and cuddling next to me on his bed.

I cuddled closer to him and put my arm onto his chest. I then put my head on his chest and look up to him. He looked back at me and smiled, then unexpectedly kissed me but I didn't pull back I just let him. He pulled back and smiled at me then pecked me on the cheek. I smiled back and looked at the television. He had put on some scary movie (How does he know everything that I like?)

We both ended up falling asleep but we woke up in the same position that we fell asleep in. My arm was wrapped around his chest, my head on his chest, and his arm lay slightly on my hip. I moved slightly and he woke up.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up!" I said.

"It is fine Alex." He drew me closer to him and nuzzled his head into mine.

I looked up to his face, "I think that I am in love you Samuel!"