Of Turtles and Lizards

Not Your Fault

Donnie had announced that Raphael was going to be fine. The bullet had been easy to remove and the emerald green turtle would just have to take it easy for a little while. A couple hours later Mikey and Don had gone to bed. The lizard mutant was on her way from her room to the lab, to check on Raph. The lights in the main room were still on.

Leonardo had been sitting on the sofa, but he jumped up when she entered the room. She could tell he was still upset, she'd seen that look on her father's face more than enough times to know what it meant.

The teenage lizard sauntered over to him. Mona Lisa smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, comfortingly. "He'll be fine. Raph's a tough turtle, he can take it." She removed her hand and moved in front of him where she could look up at the blue-masked turtle's face. "I'm not so sure about you."

Leo stared down into her eyes as she continued slowly. "Leo, if you keep convincing itself that everything is your fault you'll never get anywhere in life. You need to learn to accept that no plan is perfect: something is always going to go wrong and there's nothing you can do about that. It doesn't matter if it's one of them that gets hurt, or you, if you fail to forgive yourself you'll never be able to move on and improve. You have to learn from your mistakes, Leonardo, not brood in them."

The eldest turtle tried to turn his back to her, feeling in his heart the truth behind her words. Mona wasn't having any of it, when Leonardo attempted to turn away from her she moved around him so that she remained directly in front of him. The lizard mutant placed a hand on his shoulder yet again and whispered softly. "Take care of yourself." She gave him a small kiss on the cheek, maybe she really does care about us...the turtle thought as he felt her lips press gently against his cheek for a split second, his face getting hot with embarrassment.

"Ahem." The two mutants looked up. "Oh don't let me interrupt, I'm sure you're just getting to know each other." A voice said, its tone caustically rough. The red banded turtle growled, his eyes narrowed.

"Raphael you shouldn't be-" She began, her concern making her momentarily forget his stubbornness.

"No. I ain't a kid anymore, I don't need a babysitter."

The events of the day had really eaten away at Mona's patience and that was the last straw. Her anger finally got the best of her and she stated, her tone snide, "Really, then how come you're acting like a childish brat? At least Leo acts like an adult." The moment the words came out of her mouth she realized that was the wrong thing to say. She could see the dots forming in Raphael's brain as his mind drew a line connecting her and Leo.

"Go to your room." The red-banded turtle said lowly, his carapace towards her as he ignored her.

"What?" she asked, not sure she'd heard right. Had Raph just ordered her to-

"I said go to your room. We'll talk about this later. Leo and I need to have a little chat."

For almost two minutes after she left the two brothers just stood in silence.

"You always were the perfect one weren't you, you always had to be the best. I could never show you up, at least not truly. But did you have to do this, Leo? You had to take her away from me too?" The hot-headed turtle's fists clenched as his anger boiled, almost ready to explode.

"It isn't like that Raph-she was just—comforting me." The blue banded turtle admitted quietly.

"You ain't the type to need comfort, Leo." Raph sneered.

When the blue-masked turtle spoke again his voice was hushed and filled with emotion, "I am when one of my younger brothers nearly dies trying to save me." The deep blue eyes flicked upward, staring straight into Raphael's neon green ones.

"I wasn't about to let you die." The emerald green brother retorted.

"I know. And I know there was nothing I could have said or done to prevent you from doing it. But every time something like this happens I can't help thinking about how close I've come to losing you, any of you, and it tears me apart. Just the thought that one day, something may happen and I won't be able to stop it, that one day...one of you could die." The elder turtle collapsed on the couch, drawing his knees to his chest resting his arms on his knees, cradling his head.

All of the red-clad turtle's anger evaporated as he stared at his older brother, Leonardo. His strong, Fearless brother, curled up in a fetal position on the couch. Raph wasn't too good at sympathy, it wasn't exactly his area of expertise, and he definitely didn't do kind and loving very well, but for Leo...Raph would do anything. Because Leo had already done so much for him, the least the hot-head could do was give a little back. Despite their constant disagreements, Raphael loved his older brother.

Whenever he was upset, which wasn't very often nowadays, not counting the normal everyday temper tantrum, Leonardo was the one that comforted him. Don't get him wrong, Michelangelo gave him a lot of comfort too, but his was of a different kind. Mikey would distract him, let him get a load off his mind. But Leo? Leo was different. Leo was the only person in the world, aside from Master Splinter, who could make Raphael believe that everything would be alright.

The red masked turtle sat next to his distraught older sibling and wrapped his arms around Leo's shoulders hugging him tightly. The forest green turtle's head popped up and he stared at his brother, wide-eyed. Raph is hugging me? As soon as the emerald green turtle was certain he'd obtained his brother's attention he removed an arm, swatting Leonardo's head roughly, but affectionately. As affectionate as Raph could get anyway. "Leo, now you listen to me and you listen good. If I'd died for you tonight, I hope you know that I would never blame you for it. It would have been my choice, my fault. You're the leader, Leo. You're vital to the team and there is no way I would have just stood there and let you get shot. You get shot, we lose our leader, our team falls apart. Me taking the bullet was for the best." Leo was about to object, but Raph stopped him. "Leo, if one of the two of us was going to die, Mikey and Don would need someone who could stay strong, support them, keep them going. You know I'm not good at that sort of thing...this sort of thing."

"You're not expendable, Raph! Stop talking like that!" The older turtle shouted as he shot to his feet.

"It's the truth." Raphael said looking up at Leonardo from his seat on the couch.

Tears began to cloud Leo's eyes and he blinked slowly. "They need you too!"

"I know they do. We all need each other equally. That's the way it's always been. I know you would do the same for me. We all would. Leo, if given a choice between my life and the lives of my brothers, I'll always put you guys first. No matter what. I know I don't...ugh. Leo, I just want you to know...I love you guys." Leonardo stared, shocked. "I'll always be there for you, even if something happens and I'm not-with you anymore...I'll always be watching over you, from wherever I am. I promise. And I'd never regret making that kind of decision, Leo. And I'll never blame you. Never in a million years...in all eternity. Don't blame yourself, bro. It'll only come back to bite ya in the a—"

"Raph, language." Leo chided and Raphael chuckled.

"Get some sleep, Leo." The red-banded turtle stood slowly, looking his older brother in the eyes. The two of them exchanged silent thanks and Raph headed towards the hall and his room. Halfway there he turned his head back over his shoulder, "Leo?" The blue banded turtle looked at him. "Nothing happened between you and Mona then?"

Leonardo crossed his heart with his right hand and held it up in a solemn promise. "Swear."

"Good." The hot-head turned continued, before turning back again, "And Leo?"

"Yeah, Raph?"

"Keep your hands off my girl."

Leo grinned, "She's all yours, little brother."

"Bet your shell she is."