Say You Love Me

03: Savannah

Savannah

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The first week of school passed rather quickly, and I had managed to get to all of my classes on time and avoid people from the south side all week.

I didn't really have any plans for the weekend, so now thirty minutes after school, I found myself walking along the familiar rows of graves as I looked for a specific one. Once I found the headstone of Collin Jameson, I sunk to my knees and sat down cross legged. I carefully took the bouquet of pink carnations, I bought from the flower shop and placed them in front of the dark grey stone.

The tears that I often pushed away were quickly welling up, and I was defenseless against them.

"I'm so sorry." I apologized over and over again in a quiet voice as I looked at the name engraved in granite. I knew it wasn't completely my fault, but he wouldn't have been on the road that night if it wasn't for me.

It was three years ago, during winter break when the accident happened. I had been at Alex's, my boyfriend at the time, house and we had just broken up. It was snowing and I couldn't drive yet, so I called my mother to come pick me up. But she was too busy and sent my brother, Collin.

My parents sent Collin to live with my grandparents when he was really young, because from a early age they could tell something wasn't 'right' with him. It turns out he was gay, and when my parents found that out they left him at my grandparents house, because they couldn't handle the stress of having a homosexual child.

Anyways, my grandparents had finally decided it was time they made my parents see their son and came to visit for the holidays. Collin was driving to come pick me up, despite my mother's hesitation because she didn't want someone to see him and question her.

For once I wish Collin had listened to what she said.

He had picked me up, and we were driving back home, when this car going the opposite way hit a patch of ice. They lost control and slammed straight into Collin's door. The impact was so hard that it sent the car flying through the air, and killed my brother instantly.

He was my best friend. He was my big brother. Collin knew me better than Carolyn could ever hope too, and he understood the pressure our parents put on me. Except he always blamed himself for the way they treated me. He said that if he could've just liked girls, then maybe our lives would've been different.

And maybe they would have.

Maybe he wouldn't have died. I would give anything to have him back, because as cheesy as it sounds, he really was my other half. I constantly dwelled over the maybe's about that day. Maybe if I had let Alex take my virginity that day, then Collin wouldn't have been on the road, and he wouldn't have died. He would be graduating college and starting his life.

So it wasn't me who was driving and hit Collin, but I did feel responsible.

When I felt a drop of water hit my forehead, I opened my eyes to find that I had fallen asleep at Collin's grave. It wasn't the first time I had done this, but I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realized how dark it was. The cemetery was smack dab in the middle of town, but Collin's grave was considered to be on the south side of it.