Breaking Point [Watty's 2015]

The Before

I sat in the backseat of my mom's mini van, looking absentmindedly out the window. Nerves were bouncing off the walls in my brain. We were driving to the reauditions. After all this time, I finally get the second chance I've been dreaming of. I just hoped that now, I would be good enough.

"You excited, Aria?" my dad asked, looking at me through the mirror.

"Yeah, I guess," I said. I barely recognized my voice anymore -- rough and shaky from anxiety and lack of food.

The rest of the ride was pretty much silent, as I continued to gaze out the window and went over the numbers again. 79 pounds. Size XS. 14 in children's pants. 46 calories so far today. 

I still felt like a whale. It still was not enough. Maybe just 5 more pounds, and then I'd be happy.

We sat and sat in the waiting room of the studio, until I heard my name called on the loud speaker. I tightened the laces of my dance shoes, stood up, and walked towards the audition room. 

Being able to walk and not once feel you legs rub together at all is an amazing feeling. I didn't want to stop walking solely because of it. I wanted to remind myself just how skinny I was. I loved it. It was motivation to keep going, to keep losing.

I walked into the room, and I saw the panel of judges sitting in their chairs, watching me walk onto the stage.

"Aria, number 562." I said as loudly as I could, which was still barely above a whisper.

I began with the dance, trying to remember the moves, but my brain was suddenly foggy. One, two, three, one, two, pike jump, twirl...

I knew I needed to stop, as the room started spinning, but I refused. After all this time and effort, I was not about to give up. No way, no how.

But just as I had that thought, I suddenly collapsed to the ground, head spinning. I heard the judges start to ask if I was okay, and then my vision start to fade.

The last thought I had before it all went black was, It's not so easy being skinny, huh?