Breaking Point [Watty's 2015]

The After

I am in the car, on the way home from the hospital a few days later. My bags are packed, in the back of the trunk, and my mind is racing with fears and questions.

When do I start school again?

Do my teachers know why I was gone for so long?

Do my friends know?

What's going to happen with the academy?

Is Mason thinking about me?

I let these thoughts take over, and I look in my lap and let a tear fall on the new shirt I got before I left the hospital:  a white, baggy t-shirt with the word SURVIVOR in black font.  On the back it has the symbol for LBED, the hospital's Let's Beat Eating Disorders club founded a few years ago.

My mom sees me crying, and says, "Honey, I know it's hard, but it's going to be fine. You'll see. One step at a time, okay?"

I sniff and nod quietly. At least when I get home, I can try to distract myself and attempt to move on. But even as I think this, I know I'm wrong. There's no forgetting this.

The car slows to a stop, and I snap my head up. We're not home yet. We shouldn't be home for another five minutes, at least. 

I look out the window and see we're in the parking lot for the McDonald's a few minutes away from my house. I gasp out of pure fear.

"Mom, Dad, please, you're not going to make me-"

"Shhh," my dad says quietly as he pulls me into him and he hugs me as I sob. I'm not ready for this. It brings too much back. The memories, the feelings...the numbers. They come flooding back to me in a flashback more painful than anything I have ever felt.

"Sweetie," my mom coos, "just wait till we get inside."

I sniff and know there is no getting out of this. My breath is shaky and I am quivering like a leaf, but I follow my parents into the restaurant. I look around and gasp.

All of my friends are seated at the tables. Casey, Michelle, Sammy, Ellie, Bennie, Aiden,Justin, and a whole host of classmates who don't normally even talk to me. Even a few of my teachers are sitting at a booth, sipping their coffees. 

Mason's here, too.

They turn around and see me looking at them with awe, and I feel a rush of more tears -- but this time I'm smiling as they come out.

I whip around to look at my parents, and they're smiling, too. They were in on it, the sly little dogs. I laugh out loud and turn to face my friends.

"You guys are incredi--"

But they don't let me finish. Ellie starts it -- she stands up as everyone looks on, and starts to clap. A few other girls follow, then the teachers, and the guys. The last one to stand is Mason. He looks at me, his face shining and his mouth in a smile, ear to ear.

He comes over and wraps me up so tight it crushes me, but at the same time, I have never felt anything so comforting. He looks at me, and before he gets a word out, he's kissing me. He doesn't say anything, but his lips tell me everything I need to know. 

We break apart, and he holds my hands and looks me square in the eyes. "I am so, so sorry." he says, and I know he means it. 

"I love you so much, Aria."

I smile. "I love you too."

He hugs me one more time, and I go over and sit with the girls, and we all giggle and talk. Not about the hospital, not about the anorexia. Not the bulimia, or even my dancing. We don't need to.

And as we talk, I remember what I had thought in the car, that's there's no forgetting what has happened to me.

But maybe that's okay.