idk where the fuck this came from but it's sad and comforting at the end wtf
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Frank understands that if someone has depression, there will be times when they're blatantly miserable. Maybe they'll lock themselves away for a day or two, maybe a week. Maybe they go about their normal lives, but everything drags on longer and longer everyday until their mood boosts or the pills do their job again.
Frank understands really well. He's learned, secondhand experience because of his boyfriend. And, he'll admit, it's hard to deal with. He's learned the patience and precautions with just about any situation. He's learned that, sometimes, trying to make him laugh by sticking paintbrushes up his nose just doesn't end well. His boyfriend started to sob uncontrollably with no explanation himself for the outburst. He apologized profusely and excessively.
The most difficult thing with Gerard, Frank's introverted-artist boyfriend, is that he has off months- not off weeks. Gerard will shut anyone and everyone out for days on end, not leaving his room. Not leaving his bed or showering or anything. Every supposedly simple task turns into something of a giant chore that he just fucking shuts down in the face of.
Frank called Mikey in a panic the first time because Gerard wasn't picking up his cellphone and Frank freaked the fuck out because he thought none of his texts asking, "are you ok?" and, "what's going on where are you omg? :(" were being read. Mikey told him about Gerard's off months that happen occasionally, and the basics of how to deal with it.
Frank learned to ask, "are you going to be ok?" instead of "are you ok?" because he knew Gerard wasn't alright, at all.
Probably one of the absolute worst moments during one of these times was when Gerard asked Frank upfront, "Can you make me feel better? Can you fuck me?" and Frank said, "Ok."
Frank was thrusting slow and deep into Gerard, grunting. He sucked softly on Gerard's neck, and Gerard was abnormally quiet. He breathed deeply and sighed instead of moaning and shrieking, just not making lots of noise as usual. His hands were resting splayed on Frank's back, when usually he'd be clawing and leaving red marks. Frank was immediately aware something was wrong when he heard a whimper. Not like a sex-whimper either, it was a tears-streaming-down-his-face whimper. He looked up from Gerard's neck and said, "Why are you crying, Gee? D-did I hurt you?"
Gerard sniffed and told him, "No, no, I'm fine, just- fuck, pull out, Frankie. This isn't working," Gerard whined, more tears falling down his flushed face, "I don't feel any better."
Frank pulled out slowly, trying not to hurt Gerard and ended up cuddling his teary eyed boyfriend, excusing pointless apologies for not letting Frank finish and how embarrassed he was for "crying in the middle of gentle sex, for fucks sake," as Frank ran his hands comfortingly through Gerard's long black hair, frizzing and sticking up from the sweat.
Sex was a good idea in theory, but definitely not in practice.
Frank knows that sometimes, it's just better to let this run its course and check up later. It's difficult to not call or text Gerard repeatedly throughout the day, but he manages. And he's having to manage that right now.
He actually texted Mikey for a while, finding out that his parents were out and he was going to meet with some friends. Gerard was home, locking himself away in the basement and miserable with anything. Mikey had told Frank that every time Gerard came upstairs from his room, usually to loot a fresh bottle of alcohol, his parents would make comments like, "Ooh, the vampire left his cave," and shit like that. Donna and Donald are great parents, but sometimes parents don't entirely grasp the concept of a mental illness that's going to fuck with you for the rest of your life.
