Endless Play

My Broken Heart ..

It was almost like the end of our love story when I just understood it was no more love but just a game ...
At the school
I sat quite that day almost numb and didn't knew how to cope up with the loss . My talks always had some words for him , a subject that was not a subject but just the whole sentence . This just made me burst out in cry , hell each one knows after crying a lot ; there are no tears left in eyes . My eyes dried out , they didn't meet their Darling sleep from 2 long months and that might have resulted in insomniac but I was safe . Life seemed empty without anything and that was worst . I was not lonely but wanted him to give me the kind of love I gave him , somewhere my heart knew this would end some day , but I was afraid to accept the truth . A truth that he was bad and obviously a false person with not two but thousand other faces . May be my false assumptions that he is perfect had lead to this situation .
At my home ..
I could literally have halucinations that he is still there , at the end a false dream ended .
But I was happy that I could atleast find new things that still existed even though he went away . No doubt I felt bad and empty but was in a relief that I won't be lieing to my parents anymore about places , times etc . Studies also were more good but when I saw some couple I could think , oh god ,please bless that girl with a good partner and never repeate a history .
Daily hassels
I never thought of sex but could really still feel the first kiss that he gave me like a poison . Seriously speaking , there was not even a single legacy that he left behind . Something that never faded were memories still they made me cry day and night . Its like you watch a dream that somebody showed you a good world and when you wake up, you feel that your ass is murdered . I never could understand if it was love or just a time pass . I felt like a doll , not plastic but really with warm blood that ran through my body and still I felt dead .
What about the gift ?
Have you ever read about any gift that he gave me ? Or even a single birthday that we celebrated ? ( talking about me and Rudy and not about yardy )
Answer is a BIG NO
He never gifted me anything rather than pain and also his fake promises and fake talks . I feel like a sitting duck that I could not realise this in several years . He gifted everybody but not me . I felt like I was an authority but now I come to a truth that I was a slave . A slave that was ready to play like a puppet , unfortunately like an alive puppet with feeling of love . Shame on him that he couldn't recognise this , but more shame on me for not recognizing him . I was ashamed a lot , just like an idiot who relyed on him for every single thing . I was good at academic activities but very bad at practical issues . You know it was a "Happy late realisation " ....!!!!!!! B|t©# me .