Lost and Insecure

Waiting

I woke up with Kelly’s arm slung over me and her legs pushed up against me. I fidgeted out of her bed somehow and went to sit down at her hammock. I looked out at the window and let the memories of last night rush back to me. Mason, I thought to myself… Just thinking about his name made my cheeks instantly flush and made my lips pull into a grin. I twirled with my hair as I smiled. It’s been a long time since I’ve met a genuine good guy, and I really think that we could be something more maybe even…. I shook my head, scowling at myself. How dare I let my fantasy side take over me, Mason didn’t even think about me in any other way besides someone who he could socialize with. I sighed sadly, and felt my heart ache heavily. 

“Jamie?,” Kelly murmured, and sat up only to fall right back down. She gasped and put a hand to her head.

“You shouldn’t do that Kels, you had one too many drinks last night,” I informed her. 

“Oh must’ve been a fun night for me, if only I could remember it,” she complained and rubbed her temples. I sat down on the corner of her bed, and patted her on the back.

“I bet Tyler can tell you all about it later or maybe he even can act it out for you but of course he’ll need your help. You would play a main role in it,” I snapped at her.  She looked at me, astonished with my tone.  I don’t know what got into me, maybe it’s the jealousy of not being able to have the kind of relationship Kelly has, sexual or nonsexual, I just want someone to call mine. The air grew uncomfortably quiet.

“That bad?,” Kelly finally whispered. I sighed, easing the tension in the room. I laid down on the bed, and looked up at the ceiling.

“Well, let’s just say you did stuff you normally don’t do,” I muttered. I heard Kelly groan, and I looked over at her with her head in her hands.  She looked up at me finally with tears in her eyes. I looked at her questioningly.

“Please tell me I didn’t lose my… well you know,” She breathed.  I widened my eyes, and started to laugh hysterically. Her face grew serious at my response, and started to playfully smack me.

“It’s not funny Jamie,” She practically yelled.

“You didn’t Kels, I just can’t believe you think that I would even know if something like that happened. Also I would be yelling at you if you did not laughing,” I chuckled. She laughed shakily in response. I watched her as she walked over to the bathroom mirror as I decided to join her. She was examining herself closely with a grimace on her face.  I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. My auburn hair was in chaos all around my face, and my face looked pale as usual. I looked over at Kelly, who looked great all the time, making me feel insecure about myself. I stepped away from the mirror and tugged a brush through my hair. As soon as the knots were out, I placed my hair in a bun.  I plopped down once again on the bed, and heard the shower turn on.

“I’m taking shower Jamie,” Kelly shouted out to me.

“Okay,” I shouted back. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift to Mason again. I couldn’t help but picture the charming way he smiled at me and the way his eyebrows furrowed together when he was talking about his mom.  I heard my phone vibrate; I searched frantically for it hoping it was Mason. My hands finally felt the cool surface of my phone and I checked the caller I.D. My face fell into a pout immediately when I saw it was just my mom calling. 

“Hey mom,” I muttered when I answered.

“JAMIE, Where are you? Are you coming home soon? Do I need to come pick you up? I am not waiting around all day just to pick you up so you better tell me now,” She snapped at me.  I cringed away from my phone until she was done yelling.