-Logan's POV-
Dear Friend, May 31, 2013
I haven't wrote in this thing in forever. I have A LOT to catch up on. Here I am, still alive, almost done my last year of high school. After all that happened, I'm surprised I'm alive. I have a lot to write, a lot to say. I haven't let my feelings out like this in months. On the bright side, things are getting a lot better, thankfully.
Where did I leave off? I don't know, so maybe perhaps I'll start from the beginning. Starting highschool is bad enough, but going into senior year at a new school is more difficult, trust me. Everyone has their groups and where they stand, but I didn't, I assumed I'd be a loser, which I guess I kinda was, but that's okay, I was used to it. I wasn't sure how I would make it without my good friend, Mike. I explained his death in my other entries but might as well tell it again, perhaps with more detail. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
March 11, 2012. I was doing my homework at my desk like any other night. Pointless homework that wouldn't make a difference in my life. I couldn't remember that homework I was doing, but it doesn't matter anyways. My mom knocked onto her door. I allowed her to come in, she looked like she was about to cry. My mom is a fragile person. Mike's mom was also one of her close friends. I remember exactly what she told me. "Mike passed on." I didn't believe her. I knew Mike was sucidal. I talked him out of suicide three times already. He lived with his foster parents who always gave him a hard time. He never got shown any love. His parents had him at a very young age, 14. They had to give him up to some foster parents. No one ever cared to really adopt him. I was his only friend. Everyone at school saw him as a loser, but he was actually really cool. People are so judgemental. He got made fun of everyday, bullied, teased, abused. I did everything I could to stop it, in fact my mom did as well, but it wouldn't stop them. That day my mom announced to me what happened, I felt empty inside. He was really the only person who understood me, I didn't know who to talk to then, then I started writing in this journal more. We found out that Mike shot himself in the head. I felt guilty. Could I of been a better friend? Have I failed him? I wanted to kill myself as well, but I've given my life so many chances, I couldn't give up now. I know now Mike is with me everyday. I can't see him, but I KNOW he's there with me everyday. He still helps me make some good choices, I can tell.
Back to my first day back at school, I was really nervous. I got ready, yeah yeah yeah. Once I got on the bus, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Who's that kid? I was under enough pressure already, and this didn't exactly help out. I sat in the front row, trying to avoid everybody. It only took a couple of girls to turn my year into an adventure, and I guess you could say, it wasn't one of the best trips I've been on. Selena, Vanessa, Rachel, and Ashely. They were all beautiful. But Selena? She was drop dead gorgeous. She had brown eyes, brown hair, and a little smaller than me. She was adorable, and her cheeks were kissable. Her friends were just plain old sluts and I really don't feel liek describing them. Yes, they're ratchet. Ha.
Selena wasn't who I thought she was though. When I met her, she seemed really sweet, excluding the fact that she drank and smoke and stuff, she was sweet to me. That didn't last for long. She asked me out kinda....to the dance. That led us into a relationship, and it felt amazing. She was my first kiss. I've had girl friends here and there, but nothing that really compared to this. I never loved a person so much in my life, and that wouldn't be so hard. My father in jail, my sister hated me, my mom was never home, my best friend was dead, the feeling of love seemed to be easier for me, not sure why. Our relationship was good, I could open up to her, even though she seemed a bit quiet about her own life. We were so different, at least I thought that.
