I could always tell when she was thinking. Her eyebrows creased together and she bit her lip, eyes closed. She tended to do this alot at the table. She could be sitting there having a conversation and then she stops talking and falls into her thoughts. I always thought about what she must think about so often, it couldnt be the same thing because her eyes slid around under her eyelids differently every time she got lost in her conscience. Maybe she was thinking about school, or her family, her friends, but she's admitted her mind tends to be scattered more often than not. She also admitted I was on her mind more often than she'd ever tell me. Today, she looked relaxed. She brought her headphones to the lunch table, closed her eyes, and went silent. I watched her gently trace her fingertips over the skin of her hand, tracing over the veins and her knuckles, which were bruised. I wondered why. Her eyes were still under their lids, and she was hardly moving at all. It was like she was asleep sitting up.
Sometimes I wondered if she ever noticed my observation of her while she thought. She was an intriguing person, physically and mentally. I dont know why my eyes caught onto her gentle tracing of the ligaments and bones and veins in her hands, or why my eyes slid across her face every now and then to see if she had begun to frown. She caught my eye in a way that didnt really happen with anyone else, and thats yet another question would ask myself late at night when I thought about her.
Most of the time the thought of her wasn't intrusive, like most late night thoughts are. It wasnt like the sudden flood of awful, brooding thoughts that often came out at night. The thought of her was peaceful. She was someone I could look at for hours on hours, days on days, and never get tired of. She was someone who would talk to me and suddenly I could breathe, the weight on my chest disappeared and everything was steady again. And every night, before I slipped to sleep, I asked the same question I did every night.
Its her, isnt it?
