Things a Different Way {COMPLETE}

nine // poe

My first day on the job - the official job - has been great. I have my very own cubicle that I spent the first hour or so hyper organizing. When you can't see, it's important to have everything in the same spot. It has to be constant. Danni gave me a picture of me and her to hang up. She glued macaroni and puffy paint on it so I can feel it.

Kirsty came in with my assignment. I didn't say anything to her, I couldn't. She's in the past now, so it's all okay. I can just ignore her. Inside though, it does hurt. I mean, I was thinking about one girl, and that was her. What a bitch, this is why I don't do serious relationships.

I suck on my teeth, a bitter taste in my mouth. I shake my hands out. They've begun to cramp up from the endless typing. Cameron is lucky, he gets to work on physical pieces of tech. Someday I'll get that promotion, but I need to prove myself now.

This cubicle is much smaller than the other ones, with barely enough room to turn around. There's no door, just an opening. Wires snake all over the floor beneath the desk. I'm afraid they could get caught up in the wheels of my chair. Here I can spin all I want, until I get dizzy.

"Poe?"

"Yeah?" I turn towards the door when I hear Cameron's voice.

"There's a Danni here to see you."

"Send her back, she's my cousin. The one dating your brother."

"Oh, right. Okay, I'll go get her."

She's quiet when she enters, but she lays her hands across mine. We sit there awhile. The suspense is killing me. Her breathing hitches, like she's been crying.

"What's wrong?" I touch her face.

"Poe, NaiNai died. She's gone." What? I feel my eyes burn. They may not work, but I still know when I'm about to cry. She wraps her arms up around my neck and holds on tight. Her skin is warm against mine. I pull her up off the ground and wipe her face. Someone is in the doorway or nearby, listening. Probably Rose.

"Wǒ xiǎng huí jiā," I want to go home, I tell her. We stand and I snap out my damn cane. I'll write an email later, take some time off. There's a funeral to attend, after all.

All I can think of as we walk out together is that last night I could see her. That Christmas. My last memory is of her yelling at my mom. It says a lot about me if all I can remember is that. There won't be any more pork buns at midnight or listening to stories of when she was a girl back in China. No more nagging, which I didn't realize I'd miss.

Then there's that distant memory that finally returns to me. My vision had recently gone dark, and I was very afraid, but every night she'd hold me in her lap. She said I was fearless, unstoppable. Yet here I am now. It was times like this I'd go and sit with her, but now there's no one to crawl back to.

The ride back to the apartment feels strange, the air all around me thick. I'm just a figure hurtling through space, being dragged through. It's like swimming in your clothes, the blood in my veins thick. A feeling settles over me, a heavy fog. I think that I'm not going to be able to shake it for a while.

I trip over her suitcase in the entryway. She's come prepared, already packed with tickets. With some assistance, I gather my things. Everything I own that is white is packed, since that is traditionally what's worn in my culture.

It all feels the same, that odd slow motion-ess. Though I sleep on the train, I wake up unrefreshed. I decide not to stay in my parents' house knowing that it hold too many memories for me. There's a fancy little hotel an old friend of mine's family owns. Maybe they'll give me a discount.

We get off at the station, luggage in hand. Arms around my body, sugary perfume, mango shampoo. My mom kisses my cheek. I force a weak smile. Now I realize that Danni has brought her boyfriend. How long has he been with us?