It's a well known fact that every overly perfect heroine has a SECRET. And yes, it deserves to be written in capital letters.
Why?
Because these secrets are never any secrets normal people have. They are never things like "I ate that entire tub of ice cream I said I forgot to buy," or" once I stole a book from my cousins room and gave it to him at Christmas because I was too cheap to buy him anything".
No, these SECRETS are never anything normal like that. They are alluded to all through the book, and almost revealed in a desperate attempt to keep you reading, then at the second last chapter, OHMYGOD SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH HER CHEATING EX-BOYFRIEND'S BABY THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!
!
gasp.
And that is where we stop reading.
Seriously, if you're going to make this story about a teen mother, have the grace to tell us from the beginning. I mean if it's written in first person then it should come up in the girl's thoughts at least once in a while!
Honestly, if you were pregnant at 16 I'm pretty sure it would be more than a passing thought.
If a SECRET is that huge and life altering, one assumes it will be mentioned from time to time.
Speaking of drama, how are these people's lives so improbably exciting?
My average day: get up at noon, browse Pinterest while eating a bowl of chocolate granola and taking a bath. Eat ice cream. Browse etsy. Eat dinner. Go to bed. Browse watt pad instead of sleeping until 3am.
Mary Sue's average day: get up at 5:30. Go for run. Come back to discover alcoholic single mother has set the mansion on fire. Moves in temporarily with convenient badass. Makes out with convenient badass. Runs away crying for no explicable reason. Discovers best friend is pregnant. Goes shopping. Has makeover. Gets invited to party. Goes to party and nearly gets molested by ex. Gets saved by badass. Falls asleep on badass. Wakes up with hangover that is forgotten within 3 sentences.
And adopts a kitten.
Dude.
Does anybody even know anyone who lives like this day to day?
Cause if you do, I'm crashing their party.
YOU ARE READING
Why is my life not like a watt pad novel?
HumorA humorous rant about what watt pad has done to my expectations. Boys, Mary Sue, all that jazz.
