Why is my life not like a watt pad novel?

Trying too hard

Comedy is an art. Wit is a gift. Timing is everything.
Humour cannot be forced.
This is a concept many people don't seem to understand.
If you are going to write, and if you are going to write badly, please, don't try to be funny.
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FUNNY AT ALL AND I KINDA WANT TO THROTTLE YOU FOR BEING SO UNFUNNY AND FOR PUTTING A DESPICABLE CHARACTER IN RIDICULOUS SITUATIONS IN A DESPERATE AND SLAPDASH ATTEMPT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
Phew, I've been holding on to that for a while.
We've all read a story like it. I, for one, have read far too many.
The main character, usually Caucasian, always female, is a "sassy," "feisty," girl with an attitude issue and a penchant for overreacting.
Like, serious overreacting.
As in, oh, Mrs "evil hell fury" gave me a detention for throwing food and getting in a cat fight, what an unfair BITCH, I HATE HER, SHE LIVES TO SUCK THE JOY AND LIFE OUT OF HER STUDENTS.
Ladies and gentlemen, and other, having an immature, cruel, irrational, petty, undeveloped and unrealistic character just for LOLZORS is not amusing. Adding a troubled past, one that is either darkly alluded to in an attempt to add mystery, or mentioned every other sentence, will not make your character deep.
Having an unlikeable character is fine; even good.
Having an unlikeable character while attempting to make them funny or cute or relatable, is not.
Personally, I am well versed in sass. I frankly don't give a damn what other people think of me. I am independent, and I don't follow rules as much as I probably should.
I am also a nice person. I am not unnecessarily mean.
Remember kids, there is quite a difference between being a free spirit, being individual, being unique, and being a flat out bitch.
Write about the free spirit.