Hold Up, I Love You?

Nine.

(Beca's POV)

"..and so now Chloe and I are married, and it totally freaks me out, because, like, I'm nineteen ya know? I still have a life ahead of me, and there are so many more people in the world, and I'm not exactly good at the whole couple thing. I mainly just do the sex part and leave the other part out of my life." I explained to Jesse. He and I were stacking CD's at the radio station, and since Jesse has kind of become my best friend (other than Chloe) I figured I would vent to him and see if he could help. "We have 44 more days to decide if we get an annulment, and part of me doesn't want to because I love her, I do, really. But the other half of me doesn't even really know what love is, and worries that what I think is love is just a crush, and it will wear off soon, and I won't be happy anymore"

Jesse stopped stacking and stared at me. "Dude... holy shit, that was a roller coaster from start to finish."

"Yeah, well you're just getting a glance at the wild ride. I, however, am stuck on this roller coaster, and I can't tell if I should click in my safety belt or if I should make a run for it the next time it stops." I hated analogies, but I knew it helped Jesse understand things better. "So what do I do? Do I stay or do I go?"

"Go with your gut." Jesse shrugged. "Whatever you feel is right in there." He poked at my stomach and I smacked his hand away. He began trying to poke me on either side, and I kept smacking his hands. Finally he just started tickling me, and I fell into a pit of laughter.

I leaned back on the table, and squirmed around while laughing really loud. "Jesse! Jesse please!" I squealed. "Jesse!" It didn't do much. His hands just moved faster and I felt tears brimming in my eyes.

"For a bad ass, you sure are weak when it comes to being tickled!" Jesse laughed.

"Woah! What am I looking at!" I heard Luke call. We stopped what we were doing and looked at Luke. "Guys, I said no sex on the table! Keep it on the floor, or go into the supply closet." Luke scoffed before walking out of the room.

I looked at my and Jesse's position and saw how Luke could think we were about to get it on. Jesse was in between my legs, hovered over me, my hands were on his chest or back, and from where Luke was standing it would look like Jesse had a tight grip on my waist. Neither of us moved, instead we just looked at each other. Our breathing was slowing, and his brown eyes searched my blue ones. "So how did you say you were feeling about you and Chloe?" He muttered.

"I said that I was feeling like I may need to explore my options before I get tied down." I reminded him, feeling breathless even though he stopped his tickle attack.

Jesse smirked and leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I felt my heart race as my hand moved from his chest, into his hair and I pulled him in closer, making the kiss deeper. I had this horrible feeling in my stomach, but I ignored it and I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, he granted me entrance and the kiss became a sloppy make-out session. The feeling in my stomach grew, but how turned on I felt over powered that. I began to slowly grind my hips into his crotch, and ran my other hand up the back of his shirt. Jesse was about to run his hands up the front of my shirt, but I stopped everything and pushed him away, sitting up on the table. Chloe came to my head and I groaned. I can't do this to her. She's my wife, and I am almost certain I love her. I can't be like my parents. I'm not going to have an affair. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Yeah." I nodded. "No." I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. "Jesse, I'm married. I may be a lot of things, but a cheater is not one of them. I can't do this to Chloe." I got caught up in the moment and did something really stupid, now I feel like I could puke my guts out. "If Chloe and I were still only fuck buddies, I would have no problem with this whatsoever, but we're not anymore. We're married now, Jesse! I'm married, and until I figure out if I want to keep it that way or not, I need to honor the commitment I made while it's in place."