Megi's Mega Incident

Itchy Little Things

"AAAAAAAAH!" came the glass breaking screech of Megi's dad's girly scream. There was really nothing to scream about, as there was only one tiny little ant coming towards to his oven glove. So really, just a false alarm, or so he thought. He hated ants, just like his wife, they both did, they detested them. But mostly, they were terrified of them. He picked up a spoon and flicked it to the other side of the room. Which was unusually brave for him.

"AAAAAAAAH!" came the bear like deep frightening growl of Megi's mum's manly growl. Now, this time, there really is something scream about. A flock (is that what you call a million ants?) of ants were all coming towards to her work bench full of heavy tools. She couldn't stamp on them, well she could, but I suppose that wouldn't end too well, would it? So she did the only thing there was to do, run for it! That was also unusually cowardish for her.

Now about that special occasion, today is the first day that little new earlyborn Megi is going to come home. Well, of course Mr Deeson will bake a cake and Mrs Deeson will finish her stone sculpture she has been working on. For those of you who know Mrs Deeson, which I'm sure you don't, as she is purely fictional. She is not the kind of woman that would stay in hospital to look after a little baby. Let's just say, in future, little Megi would go shopping with her dad rather than her mum. 

Ok, I'm confusing you. I know it. Let's have a brief description of the characters before we go any further.

Mr Lesley Deeson, yes, his name really is Lesley. When he was born, he was sadly mistaken for a little cute girl. Unfortunately, he looked so much like one that the nurse didn't bother to check, thus him being stuck with the name Lesley. When his parent's discovered, unfortunately again, his mum took a liking to having a daughter, and so, bang goes the man inside him, if he had a man inside him. Imagine an elf, imagine the movie Elf, imagine the elf in the movie Elf, now imagine him with pink curly lips and curly gold hair, then imagine him with pink cheecks, high eyebrows, long lashes and blue eyes and wearing a pink overall, there you have, Mr Lesley D.

Mrs Philip Deeson, the world is really unfair, a woman is allowed to have a man's name and get away with it, but men can't have a girly name and get away with it. Often, when filling in forms, the registration person mistakes the mr for mrs and the mrs for mr. This happened to happen on Megi's birth certificate. So, according to the law, Megi's legal father is Mr Philip Deeson and her legal mother Mrs Lesley Deeson, who I'm sure they exist somewhere...... Philip is a fully grown man, sorry, wo-man. (that's a mistake anyone will make.) Imagine a giant, imagine the film Harry Potter, imagin Hagrid in the film Harry Potter. Now crop the hair and the beard short. And by cropping the beard short, I mean shorter, not completely. As Mrs Deeson happens to have sideburns and moustaches. And of course the previousy mentioned beard. Oh yes, and a blue denim overall.

Oh, I nearly forgot, there is also another member of the family. A quieter, shyer, and often ignored member. So really, its not a surprise that I forgot about her. Emmy is the other Deeson child, she and Megi has a 10 year age gap, so really, Mr and Mrs Deeson didn't plan for Megi and Emmy to be best friends sisters. Anyway, Emmy takes after Mr Deeson and has red hair, for the moment being anyway, if you ever go into her room, you would find it scattered with hair dye. Her hair changes colour every other day, and the colours are not the most normal either. Blue, bubblegum pink, and once, yellow. Only yellow didn't even last an hour, let's say, yellow hair in the summer and with the owner of the yellow hair lying in the grass is quite a treat for flies, bees and wasps. If you look at her at an angle, Emmy is quite pretty, but if you look at her from the other angle, she's a troll.

There, with the descriptions out of the way, we can get on to our story.

"AAAAAAAAH!" the combined scream and screech of her parents are quite enough to shock Emmy, who is normally stays calm and un-shocked. Well, it seems like Emmy is the only sensible person in the Deeson household. She called pest control, which, again, is very unfortunate as they happened to arrive at the same time as the nurse who was delivering Baby Megi like a parcel.

The nurse and the pest control looked at each other questioningly, and wondered out loud: what kind of family would have pest control and baby delivery on the same day? Well, the answer to that is pretty clear to them, but then again, they are two people on earth who takes a situation and add more to it than their is. A nutty family, a family who needs councelling and a trip to the funny farm, they answered each other. However, that is not quite right. They are simply just people who couldn't care less for their baby and are terrified of ants.

"Ding, Dong," the door was opened by the only member of the family who wasn't locked in the storage cupboard along with some mops and half used tubs of paint - Choco, the sausage dog. Aah, there's another member of the family that I didn't describe. But not because I forgot, but because, well, you can't say much about a dog except that they're cute, they're sweet, and they stink. Oh yes, and they can open doors. Well, this particular one can anyways.

"Pest!" shouted the pest man with his big net, ready to pounce on the confused Choco, who had been treated like a king all his life and had endless of dirty knickers to chew on.

"Noooo!" Emmy shouted, and ran out of the storage cupboard, and waved her arms in the air lunaticly, and lurched straight at Choco, and knocking a tub of scarily white paint over Mrs Deeson's head.

All the nurse saw at this point was a messed up house, a crazy girl, a gay man, a mother covered in white paint, and a bum crack (the pest man's). By now, she was questioning more than ever about handing a life to the paint covered woman, as she can't even seem to take care of herself, let alone a new born. She also thought that the pest man was quite good looking, but that's another story.

After some chaotic scenes, a ruined birthday cake and a presentation of a unidentifable present from Mrs Deeson, the pest man returned to his van looking disgusted, as he should be, what with the see through bag he was carrying full of ants and all. The nurse returned to her hospital car, full of worry and concern about Megi. Mr Deeson, (I prefer not to call him by his first name, it's just too weird.) holding the newborn baby and full of smiles. Mrs Deeson, looking at the pink girl face disgustedly. Emmy, a blank expression, I don't blame her, I would too if someone turned up on my door step with a baby that's supposed to be my sister (Mr and Mrs Deeson forgot to mention that little fact). As for Choco, well, he was a keen sniffer.

As for where the ants came from, well, no one knew, but personally, I think Megi had something to do with it. As she has a tendancy to annoy people, as you will find out later.