I don't know how much I can deal.
Living in my head.
It's not all happy thoughts some are thoughts of hatred and despair. It's not fair to be left with this permanent daily damage. Every day goes by constantly reminding me that life is here but not entirely for you to live. At Least not now, not till your out and on your own. But I don't know how I feel about being on my own. I hope it's not as lonely as it is now. I hope that freedom to do things that interest me is mine. I know it's not now. My only hope is that it may be a future. A wonderful future of life that's filled with living. Not just existing.
I want to explore the world with my own eyes and capture the beauty with my soul. Not just imagine what the feeling is through picture frames. To wonder how the air felt and the sounds were heard. Not to picture and never know the truth. My creativity can only go so far, before I repeat old habits of trivial and simple things. When I run out of ideas, that will be the end of me.
I don't want this to be my life but some reason the laziness has consumed me. My unhappiness is welcoming in my eyes. No one ever truly realizes I'm stuck in a circle I want so desperately to get out of. To keep myself to myself. Not giving completely in the psychotic ways of her. I will keep the promise to be me and not conform to be the idea of the perfect slave with no voice. Even if now is hard to speak when I finally get the chance I will do so and take myself back.
Even if I'm sitting in the dark. It's comfortable enough to know there is light.
