I hate that I care so much about how or what my friends think of something or another person. Because I don't want to upset them or lose a long ass friend ship over it. But I also don't want to lose a great friendship over some not even confirmed rumors and they can just put all this on me about it. Honestly I really don't care about the past it's there for a reason and that person is the way they are for a reason. But if you my friend and ruin my good mood of how that person was there for me and then you throw shit at me like i don't even know. I know their past they trust me enough to tell me shit also to tell me that yeah they had done shit in the past but not everything because a lot of it is lies or shit fro, the telephone game. Everyone's passing down a rumor till its a shit story with barely any real truth to it. I'm just starting to get pissed at that and myself because I've noticed I've let other people judge people for me and ruin relationships because a friend has a bad opinion or thought of them. Seriously trying to keep cool and not explode on a fuck everything if you don't support me then move the fuck out my way. I'm done with it.
I hate how I let everything get to me. I try and say that didn't affect maybe those would be there first words out my mouth after. Like a thank you after an insult. But later on in the day it comes back behind my back and snakes it's way in. But I've gotten this far no sense in giving up now. I hope it's no where to the end either but who ever really knows for sure. I care way to much and I guess it sucks because even if I did a great thing I'm still tearing off a piece of me and throwing at in-animated objects hoping they'd move. It's a hit or miss but I always lose even if I win. But I would never change that it's not worth the small price of giving myself away completely. It's the one part of me I'd never break off.
