I love him, I love him not...

I love him, I love him not...(Ghost story) - Part 6

Dear Diary 

Keith kissed me today. It was only on the forehead, which is so confusing but it was nice. And then my mum came home and he had to leave, but he came. I needed him and he came and saved me. Maybe...maybe he does want to spend time with me, the me that nobody else sees. He's the only person I know who's ever seen me like this. And I don't mean in my pyjamas. I mean, vulnerable, scared and needy. And he didn't leave. I think...I think I love him. And God knows what Emma would do if she knew. But I don't care and I want to sleep and...dream. Bye x

When Saturday came by and Belinda hadn't been to school, Keith wondered if she wouldn't come over. But she hadn't called to say otherwise...and he knew now that he had her hooked. He just wished he could lead her on properly without feeling guilty. He'd never led anyone on before so he should have expected the guilt. He had expected the guilt. But he hadn't expected to feel so uneasy about her coming to his house. 

His gaze flashed around the room, for maybe the hundredth time before settling on the clock. She should be there any minute and then...his gaze flickered to the pile of math books at his feet. He knew he shouldn't feel it but he hated those stupid books. He wanted to get rid of them and take Belinda up to his room. The sooner he had her, the sooner he could leave her and get rid of this guilt. 

As Belinda stood in front of the door she hesitated. She hadn't bothered bringing her books (she was sure he would have his) but she felt suddenly, maddeningly, uneasy. Maybe he didn't want her there now that he had been to her house. Maybe he wished he hadn't invited her but didn't want to seem rude. She gave a panicky look around before slamming her finger into the doorbell. She would deal with it, she told herself grimly before he opened the door. 

She took him in: the sight, the smell, the feeling. She felt so safe when she saw him and she knew she had a stupid grin stuck across her face. Strangely, he looked away as though he was in turmoil. 

"Keith, are you-" 

"I'm fine," he said quickly, returning to his easy self. But Belinda couldn't stifle the prickling feeling in the pit of her stomach. He led her through the house to his living room, books scattered on the table. Unopened. She felt the knot in her stomach constrict with...desire. She wanted him. Goddammit, she wanted him with an urgency that left her breathless. 

"Keith," she said softly, as he tried to find something they could do. "I know you don't need my help with maths. Hell, I don't know anyone who needs less help. So-" 

He cut her off, his thumb across her lips. She looked at him, a look of yearning filling her soft features. He parted them, gently pulling her forward so that they could only stare into each others eyes. It felt so right to her, the weight of his hand on her hip, pulling her ever closer, his other hand, calloused yet soft, stroking her cheek. As the seconds became endless, her eyes fluttered open, searching his for answers. She hadn't known how desperately she needed answers but she couldn't help but search. 

"Keith..." she began as he leaned his forehead against her own. She could see the cloud of lies in his eyes now, see that he was hiding something. "What aren't you telling me? There's...something, I don't know what but you haven't told me something. Please," she murmured, her lips tingling from his nearness. If he was going to tell her she hoped he would be quick, so she could kiss him.  

"Belinda," he said, a bare whisper, full of feeling...regret. her eyes went wide as they took in the tone and then he was pulling back. She could feel the disappointment etched on her face and then he was away from her. She tried to grasp his hand as he pulled fully back but he evaded her touch, as if it burned him. 

"You're right. I'm not telling you everything. And...I have to be honest. What's happening now...it's not real. I shouldn't have lied but I needed to get you alone. I can't let you hang out with Andrew any more."