I love him, I love him not...

I love him, I love him not...(Ghost story) - Part 9

Belinda gripped the table as her mum served pancakes. Lots of pancakes. She's probably trying to make up for being at work all the time, part of her observed. The rest of her was panicking as she tried to make small talk with Keith and her mum. But she wasn't managing very well, she had to admit. In fact, Keith was doing much better. 

"...really, she should have told me you were coming over. I'm happy she's inviting b- people over more now though."  

"Mum, please," Belinda begged, trying to get away from the table and drag Keith upstairs. "I'm full now. What about you, Keith? Full up yet?" 

"Hm? Oh, n-" he cut off at the dangerous glare Belinda gave him. "Yes, actually I am. Thank you though Mrs Godfrey." 

"Call me Lizzie, sweetheart. And feel free to drop by anytime." 

When they were finally alone in her room - yes Andrew had been long gone - she turned to him. She knew there was nothing real between them. It was an undeniable truth now and he was watching her like she was a dangerous panther that could claw him open. And she knew that she couldn't fight with him anymore. There was too much she didn't know, too much she couldn't reach out and touch. And so she sat on her bed and gestured at the chair across the room from her. 

"Keith, we need to talk. About yesterday. I've decided-" 

"Wait," Keith said, irrationally terrified. He didn't want her to talk about yesterday yet. He knew she knew something was up but he didn't want to give her even more reason to think it. Moving across to sit on the bed with her, he held his hand to her face. "I don't want to talk yet. Please, let me show you how sorry I am. I know you don't really believe me yet, but I want you to." 

And then they were kissing again, his lips so smooth and persuasive as he pressed her back onto her bed. And she wanted him. His kisses became rougher as she pressed more desperately and she could feel his breath grow ragged as he swallowed after pulling back briefly. But she allowed him only that: a brief respite from her all consuming passion. And then he was with her again, moving against her as she rose to him. 

And then, just as she felt his control breaking, she pulled back. It was maddening, leaving him on the brink of lust and desire but she couldn't take it further. She wanted to be with somebody who loved her truly and completely. But for now she would settle with loving him enough for the both of them, holding what wasn't really there together with her desperation and passion. A passion she was only just discovering. 

"Belinda," Keith began, his voice so hoarse that she could swear it wasn't an act. But then his eyes closed and he rolled away from her, breathing deeply and heavily. She wanted to lean over and touch him, once so he would come back to her but she knew she didn't deserve him. And he didn't want her, whatever his body told him. 

"You were right," she said simply, staring at the ceiling. "Andrew's lying to me. I need to know how to fight him, how to stop him hurting the next person. But I don't want to kill him. I can't Keith," she said as he protested. "Nobody deserves to die." 

"Do you love him?" 

The question was almost inaudible and that gave Belinda an excuse to neglect answering it. She knew what her answer would be but she couldn't say it. not without breaking apart the facade that they held between them. Keith cleared his throat and she looked at him for the first time in a while. 

"What do you think we should do then?" 

Belinda took a deep breath and let it out again. An idea was forming but she knew it sounded foolish. But then again, the whole concept sounded stupid to her; genies and magic and souls. And she didn't have one anyway so Andrew had chosen the wrong person. 

"Couldn't we seal him? Stories come from somewhere, right? So can't we seal him in a-a lamp or something? Just something to keep him out of the way? Please," she whispered, holding herself over him, eyes wide and soft. 

He couldn't help it. She was so beautiful like that he just...couldn't stop his hand from reaching up and pulling her down to him. But he felt the resistance as she waited for his answer. And he released her, sitting up, wishing she would hold still. But the minute he had let her go, she had sat cross legged and straight-backed. 

"I think that'd be the best plan so far," he said slowly, as if this was a new idea. He saw her eyes narrow momentarily before relaxing into an easy smile. The same frighteningly beautiful smile that had caught him off guard that day in the canteen. The day he tricked her into saying yes. "He could probably get out if someone broke the seal but we can control that to. The only problem is...he won't come if he thinks it's a trap." 

"So we have to fight, huh?" She smiled as though it was amusing and he wished he could reach into that head and take the answer from her. "Shouldn't take too much to convince him. I could tell him I took him seriously earlier. He'll think I really love him, seeing as..." 

She cleared her throat, the faraway look vanishing as she realised what she was saying. Her eyes went soft again before she stood up. She dusted herself, pulling at her hair in an attempt to get rid of the just-got-out-of-bed look. He ran his fingers through it, trying to help but she stiffened at his touch. He held still momentarily, wondering what was wrong but then she relaxed and fell back into his arms. 

"Sorry, I haven't slept a lot. I kind of didn't come home last night. And now I'm snapping at you. Really," she said, turning to him the space between them crackling with potential energy. "Really, I'm sorry." 

He took a deep breath and kissed her lightly, trying to pull her into an embrace she didn't want to leave. So she couldn't let him and it was killing her. He could feel when her heart went wildly out of control but he didn't know how to do the same with her head. And that's when he knew he didn't have her where he needed her.