I love him, I love him not...

I love him, I love him not...(Ghost story) - Part 8

Belinda was cursing herself. She couldn't find her diary in her bag and she was sure she took it with her to Keith's. Keith, she thought with so much anguish that she almost began sobbing again. But she held back the hot tears that threatened to spill. She needed to find a safe place to sleep that was neither home nor Andrew's. 

She knew it was stupid but Keith had seemed so serious that it scared her to think about being alone with him. So instead of running to Andrew like the rational part of her wanted to, she curled up by a tree, trying not to fall asleep. When she woke up to the burst of morning light, she knew that she was safe. Irrational but she could feel the security around her as surely as if Keith was sitting beside her- 

No! she thought, shattering her temporary safety. He's an ass. You don't feel safe with him because he's just a guy looking for a few kicks. And Emma's going to give them to him in a way you never could. And your diary will probably be all over school on Monday. Belinda thought she could even hear something tear. But she knew it was imaginary. 

And suddenly she couldn't cry. She felt tired and betrayed but she didn't feel angry or sad. She just wanted to be wrapped up in a blanket with her mum soothing her from the heart ache. So she picked herself up and did the one thing that she wanted more than anything else in the world. Well, almost, a small voice murmured in the back of her head but she ignored it. She would not want him. She refused to. 

Climbing up through her window, she received the next biggest shock of her life. Andrew was standing in the middle of her room, holding one of her teddy bears. She stood rigid before indignation took over. She snatched Mr Frumples back, giving Andrew the iciest glare she knew how to. 

"What the fuck are you doing in my room, Andrew?" 

"Come on Bel, let's be rational." 

"Rational?! You were in my room! When I wasn't! And just how did you get in here?" Belinda's voice became suspicious. "It was locked." 

"The same way you did." 

"Bullshit. You would have left it open. And you wouldn't have known I wasn't in here. Or were you hoping I was?" 

Andrew looked away, seemingly searching for an answer. Belinda turned away in disgust. 

"You know what? I think Keith was right. You are lying to me. Get out, now, and don't come back." 

"Oh, Keith," Andrew scoffed, turning his name into an expletive. "Since when are you two such great friends? I'm sure he's just spreading shit because Emma wants to keep being queen bee and he's happy for her to be! Why would they care what happens to you?" 

"I-I don't know w-what you mean," Belinda stuttered, trying to stem the flow of tears. "But you obv-obviously don't care either! You're such a jerk." 

"You don't get it, do you?! I care about you too much! I...I really like you Bel." 

Wow, Belinda thought. Now that was one way of changing her mind. He was coming closer by the second, touching her face and hair. Was he going to kiss her? What if she couldn't kiss? I sort of blind terror took over her mind - a terror that never occurred when she was with Keith - and she felt relief flush through her as her mother called her downstairs. 

"C-coming," Belinda called, rushing out of the room. "What's up?" she continued as she stopped at the front door. 

"There's a young man here to see you," came the reply from the kitchen. "He said he'd wait for you at the door." 

Curious, Belinda pulled the door open, peeking out into the front garden. She was shocked to see Keith standing there, aloof and sexy as ever in combats and a t-shirt. Her mouth dropped open and she slowly flushed red. She didn't want to see him right now. But then she spotted her diary in his hands. And the fear washed away as the anger came in. 

"Did you read that?" she whispered, deadly ice creeping back into her voice. "I swear to god, if you read that, I'm gonna-" 

"Gonna what Belinda?" Keith looked tired but steeled. She could tell from the way he said it. That bastard, she thought venomously. Even as she reached for the little purple book he pulled it back. She felt as he pulled up close to her, trying to tease her face to look up at him. She tried to jerk back but got caught by the door. 

Jerk, she thought vehemently. He shut the door. Now I have to talk to him and he knows it. 

"What the hell do you want from me, Keith? Seeing as you've already got my book, which you've evidently no intentions to return, what more could you possibly take from me? A picture? To put next to the book and say, 'yep, this is her! What a sucker! She thought I would go out with something like her'? Well, why don't you and Emma just use the one she took last time? It's lasted this long and I don't think you'll find a more embarrassing one." 

"Belinda, look," Keith said, apparently frustrated. "What can I do to convince you that I'm not trying to embarrass you in front of the entire school? Emma knows nothing of my interest in you." 

"Fake interest," Belinda corrected, smiling manically. "Remember? You're not interested in something like me. And now you know all of my deepest, darkest secrets so you're unlikely to change your mind, right?" 

"Belinda, please, I need to talk to you properly. I realise I kind of went the wrong way about sorting this out. And I didn't mean to hurt you. Honestly, I didn't know you were that deep in." 

"Maybe you should have looked in the mirror then," Belinda replied, her voice taking on a hard edge she didn't know existed for her. "Because I'm pretty sure you must have thought, once or twice right at the beginning of messing with me, why doesn't she go for the gorgeous blonde-hair blue-eye boy. And then you decided to go for a new tactic, right? Talking to me, making me realise that popular boys are human to. That bleed, if I recall correctly." 

"I-" 

"Oh, and then there's the coming when I called. You could have pretended you didn't get the call but you came over, like my knight. Except you knew that, right? I pretty much said it in the diary you read." 

Keith didn't know what to do. He had been sure she would still feel something for him. In fact, he was sure she did, she was just refusing to admit it. So he did the only thing he could, given that she didn't want to let him talk. He looked at her sadly, trying to play his lost little boy looks for all he was worth. And he knew it was working. She was looking penitent as he reached for her hand. 

"I don't know how to make it up to you. Honestly, I don't and I know you don't think I should bother trying because it won't work. But I'm begging you for another chance. I will even get down on my knees and grovel, right here." 

And he did. He pulled her hand to his lips, a soft gesture that left her own knees weak. He caught her up in his arms as she fell to him, and she knew she couldn't fight him any more. She didn't want to. She could feel his breath on her neck as he kissed her neck. She could feel the gasping sobs wrack her body again, making both of them shake. 

And then he was kissing her lips so gently that she could barely feel it before she surrendered herself to him, losing herself in his heat. But she could already feel him pulling away, taking the heat with him. She looked into his eyes desperately, searching for the passion she hoped was hiding in him. 

But all she saw was a careful wariness that set off an alarm bell in her head but she deliberately ignored it this time. She didn't care if she was being used, she didn't care if he didn't love her. She just needed somebody to walk her through the rough patch, bring her out the other side then decide whether he should leave her. 

"So, want to come in? I'm afraid Andrew appeared this morning, a little uninvited but I think he'll stay in my room until I tell my mum he's here. If he still is I mean-" 

And Keith was cutting off her sentence with two fingers before she could hope he would with his lips. She rose steadily to her feet before he could help her. She wanted to distance herself, prepare for the hurt this time. She doubted she would ever be ready. But she wanted him to see her as strong. 

"So, come meet my mum properly? You're lucky, she's normally working. Maybe you can have breakfast with me."