Reasons Why

Chapter Twenty-Three

A/N Another quick chapter for all you in suspense!! :)

Chloe looked at Luke, he had his love for her so evident on his face, and whilst her common sense said trust him, go with this, her emotions, her fragile psyche told her to end it here. Now.

                “Luke.” Her voice was quiet, and as he looked up, his eyes meeting hers, he sighed.

                “You’re not about to change your mind about me, are you?”

She should’ve known that he’d be in tune to exactly what she was thinking, her common sense tried to highlight that fact, wanting her to realise that he was perfect for her. But this was a time when she couldn’t let her heart rule her head, she had to rebuild, and this man was a risk to that. She couldn’t make decisions based on anything other than her own instincts. He was too powerful, too attractive. She needed to do things without his indirect influence.

She nodded, “I’m just not ready Luke, I know you think I’m being stupid, but...I just need a little time to rebuild, to do things right. I need to focus...”

He scoffed, his anger hiding his hurt, “so I’m a compromise? Is that it? Are you willing to let that man...” he gestured in the direction of the court building, “ruin two lives?”

She sighed, “that’s just it Luke, I’ve been in such a hole, I just really need to get out of that, and hiding behind you isn’t the way for me to regain my independence. And I owe time to my parents; I’ve only compounded their hell. Can’t you see that?”

Shaking his head Luke couldn’t agree, “I love you, I’ll work to whatever time frame or pattern you want. I’m not going to beg but of course I want you in my life. I won’t stop you growing, being Chloe Palmer. Why can’t you see that?”

His pleading again made sense to her common sense, but she’d been in such a low place, that she honestly believed that she had to climb out of this pit by herself. How would she ever cope with another trauma if she relied on him to get her through this one? She now knew that she’d relied too much on Owen, and losing him had paralysed her, and she had actually tried to kill herself to end the misery. That was a bleak black place and she had no desire to ever feel like that again, love, meant reliance, meant devastation. She couldn’t go back there, she really couldn’t.

                “Luke, you are the greatest man I’ve ever met. Handsome, brave,” she cupped his face, “the greatest lover...but I can’t do this, you have to believe that. I’m so glad that I met you, and I doubt any man will ever live up to you. But I don’t know who Chloe Palmer is anymore, and I owe it to myself to re-find her, to re-establish myself. I have to sort that out first, surely you can see that?  I just need time, believe me?”

He wanted to scream at her, to make her see sense, but he knew that Chloe Palmer didn’t do anything by half. And now he had to think of his own preservation, his heart was as close to breaking as he’d ever known, since she’d left him in New York he’d had pain, a dark cloud that lingered over him. He’d hoped that this trip would ease that, but as he looked at her, so determined, so strong, he finally realised that he couldn’t change this. Couldn’t make her see sense.

                “Chloe. I think you’re wrong. We are meant to be together. I think you know that. Maybe you’re scared, I mean I get that it can’t be easy coming back from the places you’ve been. Knowing you as I do, I can’t ever imagine you trying to end things...it must have been hell to have found such a low place.” He paused the emotions at actually speaking the words were so much more powerful than he’d ever believed possible. Chloe flicked her head, dropping her eyes to the floor, not wanting to face him. But he couldn’t let her do that. Lifting her chin he stared at her, “I can’t begin to know how that must have been then, to feel so much pain, and I can’t imagine how this must feel now, facing up to that. But it’s not a failure; this isn’t you exposed and vulnerable. You view me as a threat, but nothing I know makes me love you less. You’re so strong, and to stand in court today like you did, so brave. I just wish you’d believe me, take a chance on me.”