The Spinster's Club

Amy: Two

"I don't understand, I've never played hide and seek with lunch meats."

Amy sighed. She should have been enjoying her meal in the trendy restaurant, La Cage Aux Fowl but her dinner date was driving her bananas.

Adorable? Yes. Thick as a rock? Unfortunately. How he ever graduated medical school was a mystery.

"It's hide the salami," Amy said snippily. "You must have heard that term."

"No," Sebastien said slowly. "Do you hide the bread and mustard too?"

"Making like the beast with two backs?"

"How can a living creature have two backs?"

"Rumpy pumpy?"

"Diddily doo?"

"Sex Sebastien," she blurted. "I'm talking about sex."

He looked aghast. "When you invited me to dinner I didn't know you were hoping for sex. I mean, you're very attractive Amy but..."

"I don't want to have sex with you!" She flushed as adjoining diners turned at the sound of her loud disclaimer. A flush was staining her skin, she could feel the heat.

This whole idea was turning into a disaster.

"You don't understand," she said evenly. She was going to do this if it killed her. "I know I'm not what you're looking for in a partner. After all, I'm missing the most important piece of equipment, aren't I?"

"A treadmill?" he asked. "Because my ex took ours but I'm really not as upset about it as all that."

"Did you attend medical school on a tiny third world island where running water is the local stream?"

"I attended the Universite Pierre et Marie Curie."

"How adorably French of you. I'm looking for a beard."

Sebastien cocked his head to the side and looked seriously at Amy. It was a different kind of flush she could feel spreading; it had been a long time since a man had looked at her so thoroughly.

"I am not sure," he said slowly, "but perhaps some testosterone injections. We can try stimulating the follicles on your face..."

The utter disaster of the dinner, in fact of the whole evening pressed down on Amy and a slow groan escaped her. He was so handsome and rumor had it that he was a talented MD but was it possible that he was as innocent as he appeared? Or was he just that dumb?

"Sebastien," Amy said, interrupting his explanation of follicular health, "I'm going to try explaining this slowly. What I need is oh my God! What the hell is she doing here?"

"Who is she?"

Amy ducked her head. "Cece. My bestie. The woman over there with the oh hell, what did she do to her hair?"

"Ah." Sebastien frowned. "She is pale, it seems. She might need iron. I hope she orders the liver."

"You're a very strange man, Dr. Izambard."

He smiled and Amy felt a little melt. The only thing that could make him even more adorable would be a little gap between his front teeth. But beggars couldn't be losers, Amy thought.

"It looks like your friend is on a date." Amy turned and saw Cece shaking hands with a rather good looking man. It wasn't someone she knew.

"Well, well," Amy said, "tall and blonde. Looks like Ceec is trying something new."

"Maybe she is blindly dating. They have the awkward body language. Like us."

"What do you mean like us? We're not awkward."

""But yes, we are. You call me Sebastien instead of Seb. You sit back in your chair to study me instead of leaning in to get closer. You look at me like I am the germ under the microscope instead of looking at me like someone you want to know better."

Amy felt the frown lines gather.

How was he so astute? It occurred that maybe, just maybe he wasn't the dim witted man she thought?

"Oh, your friend's menu is on fire."

Amy twisted to see Cece's date standing as Cece threw her blazing menu on the table. The candle that had been in the center of the table was tipped over and burning merrily.
The date grabbed a water glass and emptied it's contents... on Cece instead of the burning menu.

"Oh sweet Jesus," Amy breathed and stood.

"No." Seb stood also and took her arm, pulling her back down. "She will be humiliated that you saw this."

"But she's my friend," Amy said aghast and twisted to see a wet and sputtering Cece, a confused and red faced stranger and a waiter patting out the small blaze with a towel.

"It's good that you care," Seb said. "But take my advice and let her be."

"What a disaster." Amy put her face in her hands. "Her first date and she started a fire."

Amy didn't see Seb's small smile or notice that he took his wine and sipped, his eyes never leaving her.

"I think there are more layers than you see," Seb said thoughtfully, "but you might have more layers than you show also."

Amy looked up. "What?"

"I accept your proposition," Seb said. "I will be your pretend lover. And you will do me a favor also."

"What favor?"

His eyes danced merrily. "I'll tell you later. After all, it's always more fun when you don't know what's coming."