Life Without You

Death Mask

Jane POV

Darcy bled out on the table. There was nothing we could have done. The person who was the most upset was Loki. Poor guy. He lost the two loves of his life that day. His child and his soon to be wife. He spent hours alone in what would have been their chambers. He stayed in his bedroom. The only time he even left the bed was to eat when the maids brought his lunch. And when he did eat it wasn't much. I went to visit him a few times, only to find him hidden away under the blankets. The last time anyone ever saw him come out of his chambers for the longest time was once, when he came out for Darcy's funeral. There was one white sheet covering her body as she lay in the boat. Loki caressed the side of her cheek before they sent it off. Soon it was ablaze in the middle of the water. Then we watched as the little light disappeared, signifying that it had fallen over the edge. Along with her. Loki didn't talk much to anyone when he did come out of his room a few months later. Thor tried to cheer him up. He had saved Darcy's engagement ring. He returned it to him. At first he smiled at the memory of the night he proposed to her, when she ran and twisted her ankle. How he caught her mid fall and proposed to her right there on the floor. Then, in came the flooding memory of her funeral... And Sigyn, and the child and death... And with that the smile withered and faded.
"Thank you." He mumbled with a quick hug that he made sure no one saw, and then he shuffled along back to his chambers. She was gone and he would have to except that. Sometimes when I go to visit him I don't go in... Because I can hear him crying. And it hurts, no matter what he did... It still hurts. And then I start to cry along with him. He wears the ring on a chain around his neck in her honour. He truly did love her. And now she has been ripped away from him. He doesn't deserve this. Everyone wishes things were different. The Doctor says he can't go back and change it because of a paradox. And he stayed a good three months to comfort him. But he only actually entered his chambers a few times. He would talk to him. He didn't go often because he knew it did more damage than good. But it still helped a bit. I stayed to live with Thor while the others left at different times during the next month or so. But Loki... He was all alone now. Now adays he refuses to come out at all and only allows Queen Frigga to enter his room. Other than her he speaks to nobody. I overheard The Queen and Odin talking one night and that when she went into Loki's chambers she found him standing on the balcony railing about to jump. She stopped him and now had guards posted in his bedroom to prevent it. I also heard that he had passed the time cutting himself, and regretting not being able to protect her. When Darcy's mother found out she was hysterical. She... Like Loki... Couldn't stop crying at points. It hurt me so much to see everyone in so much pain all the time. I nearly couldn't cope myself.

Thor POV

This was my fault. I shouldn't have let her get ahead of me. I let this happen and now my brother wishes death would take him too. He is just miserable. We have a gathering in the great hall today for a feast and mother insists that he joins us and in fact she is forcing him to go. Usually we have a feast in the great hall every night but this one is in Loki's honour. It's something we thought we would try to see if it cheers him up. That's if he shows up because I doubt he will.

We were all sat down with in our seats, we were arranged by social status. We saved a seat for Loki, but... Like I predicted he didn't show up and we were forced to start the feast without him. After the feast mother stormed off straight for Loki's room. I followed her and when we both got there he was just sitting on his bed with the covers over his head. When mother went to take the blanket of his head he disappeared. He wasn't even in the room anymore.
"Guards FIND HIM!" Yelled mother. I, meanwhile rode out to Heimdall. He knew where Loki was. He was on Midgard. He had left around the same time as the feast started. He was having dinner with the remainder of Darcy's family. So I went of to collect him and bring him home. I didn't knock on the door right away. I wanted to let them finish their dinner first. Loki doesn't do anything very often and to see him go out and have dinner like this... Is just wonderful.

After a few hours Loki finally emerged from the house. He had a smile on his face and a tear in his eye. He was surprised to see me waiting for him.
"Brother? What are you doing here?" He asked as he wiped away the tear.
"Just came to ride home with you. It's always better when you don't have to do it alone." I said as he came in to hug me. He started to cry into my shoulder.
"Thor it hurts so bad. Why does it hurt like this?" He sobbed.
"Because your love was real. You were truly in love with her." I said as I patted his back. I saw someone looking at us in the window. It was Darcy's mother. She was sobbing to. But not for Darcy. For Loki. She saw how mush it hurt him and she knew what he was going through. I got a glimpse of Loki's wrists. They were etched up and down with little tiny scratch marks. Some where old and scars now. Some were fresh with a little bit of blood dripping down. But there were four deep, thick scars, on each wrist. They looked like an attempt to kill himself. I took his wrists and held them up in the light to look at them better.
"Brother you have to stop doing this to yourself. This will not make the pain go away." I said as gentle as I could. He sniffled.
"I know... But it helps to deal with it I guess." He mumbled.
"It's not a good way of dealing with it." I replied. "Did this little visit help?" I asked. He nodded. "Then you should visit more." I said as the Bifrost opened up and we were sucked away back to Asgard.
"We had a long silent ride back to the palace. The next night at dinner we were all surprised to see Loki actually show up. He crept silently around the corner and sat down next to me. He ate silently and didn't talk to anyone but at least he was out of his room. Mother was pleased and father... Didn't seem to care. He, if I didn't know any better, seemed as if he didn't notice Loki's pain at all... And I was going to give him a piece of my mind after the feast.

Loki POV

I was walking down the empty halls of Asgard when I heard Thor and Odin yelling in the throne room. They were talking about me. Thor was going off about how the Alfather was paying me no attention to how the love of my life passed away at the mercy of my ex-wife. They were yelling and screaming. Odin was on the loosing side of the battle. Odin went to storm out of the room when he ran into me. I was like a deer in headlights. And for a few seconds... So was he. But then he was right back to cold and heartless. He stopped and looked at me... Then continued to storm out of the room. I followed him.
"Do you seriously feel that way about me."I asked before he could enter his chambers. He stopped and sighed. Then he spoke.
"Loki this is not the time." He said still facing the door.
"No Odin! I think this is the perfect time!" With that he snapped around.
"You will not address me as such you ungrateful little boy!" He roared.
"I just wanted you to love me!" I yelled.

"And I did!" He yelled back before I could finish my sentence.
"Like you love Thor? Because I remember you favouring him over me! You could have shown us the same amount of love and none of this would have happened!" I yelled as tears came to my eyes. There was a moment of silence. It felt like forever, that we just stood there looking into each other's eyes. Suddenly Odin pulled me into his embrace. He hugged me tightly. I hugged him back.
"I'm sorry my son. I never meant to hurt you for so long. You are my son Loki... And I love you." He said as he released me.
"I'm sorry for the trouble I caused... And for everything. I let my jealousy get in the way of... Well... Everything." I said as I looked into his eyes. He patted me on my shoulder.
"Now... Go and... I guess... And enjoy yourself. Maybe find someone new to occupy your company with." When he said that flashes of my time courting Darcy went through my mind and for a second I stood stone stiff. But then a tear came to my eye and I looked down. I laughed for a second at some of the fun times we had together and I think that confused him.
"I.. Eheheh.. I don't think I'm ready to court yet. I'm to... Just not ready..." I said with a soft smile.
"Okay... Off to your chambers now... And don't be to hard on yourself." He said with a pat on my shoulder and with that we both parted ways. As soon as I turned the corner I burst out in tears. I started hyperventilating and I couldn't stop. I missed Darcy so much. I collapsed to the ground. My vision was blurry... I couldn't stop the tears. Thor came around the corner to find me shaking uncontrollably crouched on the floor. He picked me up off the ground and helped me to the healer. I couldn't walk and I couldn't stop shaking they had to almost carry me back to my chambers. Only one thought was going through my mind:

I MISS DARCY!