No Angel

XXIII

In the midst of everything that had been going on lately, Demi forgot about the one thing that she loved more than anything else in the entire world: her music. When was the last time she had spent just an hour sitting at her piano, playing a medley or some random tune that she had learned from Youtube? When was the last time that she had picked her guitar up and attempted to write a song about everything that had been going on lately? How could she forget about the one thing that mattered to her more than anything else?

She hadn't slept since her birthday. It was unhealthy and one of these days she was just gonna pass out from exhaustion but there was too much going on in her head for her to sleep. Drake was peacefully sleeping and the last thing she wanted to do was wake him up. Just because she was suffering didn't mean that he had to as well. He had been trying his best to be there for her and support her and hold her while she cried but it was hard to allow him to do that. He said he didn't care about what people said about him but he was just as career oriented as she was so he obviously did.

Demi scooted out of bed, deciding that she obviously wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. Before she left the room she made sure that Drake was still asleep before closing the door and walking down the hall to Lola's room. She sat at the edge of her bed and rubbed her back. Lola was curled up into a little ball, holding her favorite stuffed animal of the week, a sparkly green frog. As long as she was in her care and even long after that, Demi was going to make sure that Lola was never exposed to the evils of this world. She was gonna protect her from everything that her mother never protected her from, making sure that her innocence and her purity stayed intact for as long as possible.

She kissed her forehead before exiting the room and going downstairs to her soundproof studio. She closed the door behind her and grabbed her guitar before plopping down on the sheepskin rug. It had been so long since she had been down here that her guitar was beginning to collect dust. She plucked the strings to get herself familiar with it again before she began to play a tune that had been stuck in her head since Drake told her that he loved her and she didn't know how to respond.

"I hate you, don't leave me. I feel like I can't breathe. Just hold me. Don't touch me. And I want you to love me, but I need you to trust me. Stay with me, set me free. But I can't back down no I can't deny, that I'm staying now because I can't decide. Confused and scared I am terrified of you." She stopped playing to jot it all down on a scrap piece of paper on one of the tables. Writing and playing music again felt good. It was almost therapeutic. Things had been so out of control for so long but this was something that she was in control of. She could decide the lyrics and the beat and the harmonies and everything else because this was her song. And she could decide who she wanted to play it for and if she wanted to record it and release it. It was one little thing that she had control of when it felt like everything else in her life had been spiraling out of control.

"I admit I'm in and out of my head. Don't listen to a single word I've said. Just hear me out before you run away, cause I can't take this pain. I hate you, don't leave me." The door to the studio opened and Drake walked in, sitting in front of her on the rug and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Why are you up?"

"Because you are. I woke up as soon as you got out of bed," Drake responded through a deep yawn as Demi looked down at her guitar.

"I'm sorry."

"You're good, even though we should both be sleep because the awards are tomorrow and you're performing. Is that what you're practicing?" Drake asked but Demi shook her head.

"I'm just messing around..."

"Can I hear?" Demi chewed down on her bottom lip, suddenly feeling shy because she had sang in front of Drake before but she had never done something as intimate as this: sitting in front of him in her home studio with a guitar in her lap singing whatever came to her, whatever felt right. She didn't think that she had ever done that for anyone besides Trey.