Saving Adam

Chapter 6

They got out of the car, Adam following Blake to the restaurant. He quickly ran ahead, opening the door for Blake, who smiled and kissed his forehead, making him blush. They sat down at their table, Adam flashing a dazzling smile at the waitress.
"So, what was in that notebook?" Blake asked, glancing at his boyfriend. Adam's face grew red, and he looked down.
"N-nothing." Blake smiled, scooting closer to him.
"Tell me! Please?" He asked, batting his eyelashes. Adam blushed even harder.
"It's just a songbook. Nothing important."
"Why can't I see?"
"It's personal, okay?" Blake sighed.
"But-" He quickly stopped talking as the waitress returned, carrying two beers and two hamburgers. She placed the food and drinks in front of the boys, smiling."
"We didn't-" Adam kicked Blake sharply under the table, all the while staring up at the waitress.
"Thank you." He said, nudging Blake, who nodded at the waitress as she walked away.
"What was that about?" Blake asked, turning to Adam.
"Let's just say I have some friends here." Adam smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. Blake rolled his eyes, looking away from him.
An awkward silence ensued, stretching on for several minutes, before Blake finally spoke.
"I really enjoyed that song we did." Adam immediately brightened.
"Yeah, it was pretty cool, wasn't it? You're actually decent at guitar." He smirked, and Blake laughed loudly, drawing questioning stares from nearby tables. He smiled at the nearest one, causing them to quickly look away. Adam laughed softly, and Blake smiled.

"Will I ever be able to read that notebook?" Blake asked, leaning over Adam to the book on his lap.
"Maybe." Adam smiled, moving the book to his other side. "Not yet." Blake sighed, sitting back into his chair.
"So, um, we're dating now. Have you ever even been in a relationship?" Adam asked.
"Why would you think I've never been in a relationship?" Blake asked, pretending to be offended. Adam laughed.
"You don't exactly look like the kind of guy to be in a long-term relationship." Blake scoffed.
"And you are? I heard you got cheated on. I didn't think Usher would be her type." Adam's eyes widened, surprised.
"Wait, you heard about that?"
"Yeah, it's all over the news. She's pretty pissed."
"She's pissed? She cheated on me! Why is she angry?" Blake laughed.
"Apparently you abused her."
"What?"
"She said you hit her, so she left you for Usher. Were you really the one who gave him that huge bruise on his chin?" Adam sighed.
"Yeah. She cheated on me with him, and I caught them. Needless to say, we fought, and I got kicked out."
"Ouch." Blake said sympathetically. "That's terrible."
"Yeah, it was. But hey, if it wasn't for her, I would never of met you." Adam shrugged, smiling. Blake smiled back, kissing him on the cheek.
Blake's phone rang, and he took it out his pocket.
"Oh yeah, I need to get a new phone while we're out."
"Why?"
"It shattered. And fell into the pool. It was a really bad day." Blake laughed, answering his phone. After a quick conversation, he put it back in his pocket, standing up.
"Change of plans. Julie can't make it, some kind of family emergency. Looks like we're shopping without her." Adam immediately got up and ran to the car, leaving Blake to pay for the food. Blake sighed, pulling a crumpled up bill out of his pocket and throwing it on the table, following Adam out the restaurant.

They got back in the car, Adam having already opened Blake's door and sat down in the passenger seat. Blake smiled, starting up the car. After a while of driving, Blake spoke up.
"So about what happened last night..." Adam sighed, turning away and looking out the window.
"Do we have to talk about this? I'm fine."
"Yes, we do, and no, you're not. I don't like that you do this to yourself. You need to stop."
"It's not that easy. You can't just stop." Adam replied curtly, not looking at him.
"Well, maybe try to do it less." Blake said, frustrated. "I'm trying to help you."
"I don't need your help. It's not that big of a deal."
"How is it not that big of a deal'? You cut your arm. With a knife. That's a pretty big deal."
"So? I didn't bleed or anything. The marks go away after a while, no harm done. What's so bad about it?"
"There are easier ways to express your emotions than cutting. Music, for example."
"Music won't help. That's not how it works."
Adam snapped, looking over at him.
"Oh, then if you're such an expert, how does it work? How does slicing your fucking arm open help anything?" Blake asked, getting angrier.

Adam took a deep breath, angrily trying to gather his thoughts.
"Physical pain helps take away emotional pain. When I cut, all the shit that's going on in my life, it's all gone for a few seconds. All that's there is the pain, and it's addicting. The release from life, from stress, even if it's only for a few seconds. It's incredible, and it doesn't even permanently harm me. I don't see what your problem is. Don't you want me to be happy?"
He yelled the last part, finally getting fed up with Blake. Blake opened his mouth to respond, but Adam glared at him continuing.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like to be this fucked up. You don't understand how I feel, and you never will. I. Can't. Stop. No matter what you do, no matter how hard I try, I will always be this stupid, worthless piece of shit who can't do anything good in his life. You don't know what it's like to hate yourself as much as I do. Cutting, it's the only release I have. And if you want to take the only thing that makes me happy away from me then you are a monster."
As soon as Adam said that last word, all happiness flooded out of Blake's face. He stared at Adam, and the look on his face made Adam freeze. He realized how much he had hurt the country star, and all anger quickly left him.
"Blake..." Blake turned away from him, his expression blank. He drove into the parking lot of the furniture store, parking right next to the entrance. Without another word to Adam, he got out of the car, walking into the store.