I didn't receive a text message from Ezra.
I didn't text him either.
I didn't really know how I felt during that point in time. I was just...empty. Not sad, nor calm - and the worst part was, I didn't even know him that well. I wasn't supposed to feel that way.
It was strange, how I felt; it was as if I didn't know how to feel. I'd never had a guy like Ezra in my life. Not ever. And I liked it that way.
I finally assumed that he was busy with personal things. I nearly convinced myself that maybe, just maybe, he didn't see the paper on the back of the tape - I was almost content with that outcome until I realized that probably meant he didn't listen to the tape.
And I didn't want to text him back; he was probably too busy doing senior stuff. Possibly at a party. Why was I thinking of all of this? I didn't know.
I went to bed, clutching onto my phone, like a desperate woman who had discovered her husband was cheating on her. Deceiving her. But I didn't want to come off as desperate. I just wanted to be noticed.
Actually, no scratch that. I just wanted him to notice me. As someone. Someone different.
I didn't want to be alone any longer.
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I woke up, much earlier than the usual, and found myself slobbering over my pillow with my arms spread across on the miniscule, prehistoric cave-bed. It creaked when I rose, and I noticed my phone on the floor, vibrating for approximately five seconds. The wood made it sound much, much louder above the creaking of my bed.
I rose up sharply, and snatched my phone from the ground, my legs aching as some of my bruises streched. I flipped open my phone sharply, and noticed a flashing alert that said: "New Message", and a random number on the bottom. I knew instinctively that it was Ezra's. Who else would it be?
I read the messages as they followed out loud:
EZRA: Oh my God I love these songs.
EZRA: Dude, these are amazing. I've never met a girl with such astonishingly good taste in music. You are AWESOME. Vampire Weekend, Radiohead, Modest Mouse, Artic Monkeys...The Smiths...?
EZRA: By the way, see you at school today, I'm assuming?
I noticed these and quietly smirked as I changed into a randomly-chosen, navy blue camper shirt and a pair of jeans. I replied back.
AUTUMN: Thanks? And yeah, see you at school too. Wish me luck on the Trig. test.
After clicking send, I realized that I had probably sounded so weird and possibly nervous, and continually scolded myself for it. I decided to part my hair to the right today, and quickly slipped on my beaten-up Chuck Taylors before dashing to the restroom.
When I came back, freshened up, I noticed that he had texted me again.
EZRA: Don't worry, you'll do great. Just keep calm, you'll be fine. Relax. I believe in you.
That made me cry a little. No one had ever really told me that they'd believed in me. My dad, yes, but he didn't count. He was my dad. Parents were supposed to say those things, and not really anyone besides them.
I knew then that I couldn't lose Ezra. He believed in me. I felt like I was unworthy to have such a wonderfully optimistic person in my utterly pessimistic life.
AUTUMN: Thanks, I mean it. 'We' should get going. Bye.
I think the whole 'we' thing was finally rubbing off on me.
