nicotine ☻ lrh

pity party

luke

i guess it started when i entered sophomore year of high school. that's when the stress kicked in. that's when i needed relief in order to function.

that's when i began to smoke.

i had tried many other alternatives, all much worse, but i decided that i didn't want to destroy my body, my mind, that much. i didn't want to become a crackhead or a drug addict. i just wanted to be a normal teenager, not found by my mother injecting (illegal) things into my veins or blowing out (illegal) smoke with bloodshot eyes.

i'll forever remember the day i got myself a fake id; not to get into clubs, not to buy weed or to drive, no.

like the lame person i was, i got a fake id for cigarettes at the fucking corner store.

jesus.

i still look back and remember when smoking wasn't the source of my stress, the ache in my body until i got my hands on one, until i inhaled the foul smoke, until nicotine seemingly eliminated stress and polluted my lungs.
dear god. i'm talking about this like i'm a drug addict. i swear, i'm not. cigarettes are the only thing that i smoke. that's a promise.

i look back and see a happy teenager without a small box in his pocket at all times. i look back and see someone who was, at that time, not at a huge risk for cancer. i look back and see someone who was able to taste sweet things without the aftertaste of tobacco coming back to haunt them.

i pity the person i've become.

first !! chapter !!
this was pretty terrible whoop, but please give me a break. i'm only getting back into writing.

short and weird, like most of my classmates. haha no
like me
haha. haHAHAHA. no.
i'm 5'7

thanks for reading!
-jASSmine