Hero Factory Oneshots

respect you deserve

It was only after the second tok tok tok that he snapped out of his thoughts and looked over his shoulder to the door.
Did he dare to ask? It wouldn't matter anyway, he would still enter to see if he's there, and if he finds out he was ignoring him..
But he can at least buy himself a few precious seconds, even if those quickly slipped away faster than he'd prefer.

...

Still nothing.

Has he decided to be more kind to him that day? He never tries a third time, he'd just walk in.

"Chaton? Es-tu là?"

It was then he realised, it wasn't the same person knocking on the door. That was his fiancé. He is gone.

"Sì."
"Can I come in?"

A moment of silence, he stayed in his bed, back facing the door.

"Yeah, sure."

The light from the hallway lit up a small part of the dim room, casting a beam across the floor and over the bed to the wall.
Blake eyed Rocka's huddled form, laying in a fetal position and hugging himself, as the beam of light slimmed down and eventually disappeared from the door closing.

The bed creaked a little and the mattress sunk in as Blake sat down on the other edge. He reached out with a hand, when:
"I don't want to be touched."
He retracted it and rested it against his own lap.
"Of course, sorry.."
"It's fine", was the quiet reply.

The fiancé shifted his position a bit to try and see his lover's expression. Not that there was much of one in the first place, his eyes were vacant and stared into nothing, but there was also fatigue and a hint of just. Being done. And not knowing what to do with yourself.

"I feel gross."
"You know you're not"
"But I still do. I can't shower without feeling his hands across me, I can't look at myself in the mirror without seeing him behind me. I can't even lay in bed without feeling disgusted and worst of all, it's at myself."
"Darling-"
"Don't. Call me that. Just... Stick with chaton, please..."
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine, you couldn't have known. I don't know or understand everything yet myself.."

They sat in silence for a while. Blake noticed the analog clock on the wall wasn't ticking anymore, it stayed still. The sound of seconds passing must've been agonising to him.

"I can't do anything."
"You can talk, you can live, breathe, imagine, there's all sorts of stuff you can do, chaton."
"I can't go near a window or enter the kitchen without being sent into freeze mode or spiral into panic."
The grip on his own arms tightened.
"I used to love cooking."

Phantom instinctively raised a hand to comfort him but caught himself in time and lowered it. If Rocka wanted a physical touch, he would give him the "go" sign and so far, he doesn't feel safe enough to do so.
Even though he completely understood why he felt that way, he still couldn't find anything appropriate to say. "I understand" feels too shallow, denying his thought of being incapable feels like invalidating his feelings. He's not a verbal comfort guy, or rather, he only finds suitable responses when the topic has long passed.

"That's- your body is just trying to keep you safe, it's a stress response. It just.. needs to learn that not every stimulus is the same and will lead to harm."
"But I also cannot not do anything. I can't do anything but I have to do something and both scenarios end up with the same response."
"How about... A walk? With some music?"
"I tried. I stayed inside. I can't get myself to walk through the front or back door, my neck starts hurting just thinking about it."
"What if I walked with you? Would that help?"

The hero seemed to contemplate it, before a shudder went through him and he shook his head a little.

"No, no... No, I can't do that.."
"You could also... Just walk through the house. You're not bound to one floor, after all."
That might be the solution.
"I... Might try that. Once I feel better."
"Of course, you're allowed to take it slow", Blake responded with a small smile. It was a small success, but a success nonetheless.

"Is there anything you want me to do? I'll have to go down to help the others with the new shelf later, but-"

"Can you just... Stay? For a little? And maybe talk a bit... You keep my mind quiet."
The fiancé nodded and thought for a small while. What were some recent things that happened?

He talked about the recent successful simulations the team's future successors had survived, more or less intact. It seems as if every small team is bound to cause the difficulty setting to malfunction and crank all the way to the top. Rocka let out a small laugh when Blake complained about how it should become too easy instead of extremely hard, another small win he could add to his journaling.

Whilst he was talking about the recent dragon releases, Blake noticed that his partner's breathing steadied and became slower.

He felt safe enough to fall asleep.

Blake smiled, but also clenched his fists tightly.
Ever since that event, Rocka couldn't even close his eyes without shooting back up awake, the bastard has completely ruined resting and sleeping for him because apparently, peace was a free invite.
He forced himself to take deep and slow breaths. Oh, the money and stakes he would give just to drag that piece of shit out and kill him with his own hands, but no, no, he must not go there. Even as a villain he never intentionally killed someone and it should stay that way, even if it's morally justified. Plus, Rocka already got to it before him and Blake wanted his fiancé to have that small joy, even if everything else is overshadowing it.

He sighed and stood up, checking his phone.
Rocka's longest sleep record was a little over half an hour, before he woke up in cold sweat. 32 minutes, to be exact.
It may seem miniscule, but every second he sleeps longer is a huge improvement, in Blake's eyes. He's been losing his own sleep, trying to stay by Rocka's side and he there to calm him down when the confusion spirals into a panic attack. But hey, that's a price he'd pay thousands of times. If he was thrown into a permanent loop and the only way to break it was to stop caring, he would stay in the loop.

It was rough, at first. Just the mere site of seeing someone beside him when he wakes up causes Rocka to freeze and it takes some seconds before he snaps out of it. Some days were better, where he still tries to do minor house chores, like watering the plants, other times Blake finds him in a corner trying to suppress a breakdown. It's a whole range, but he's learned to pretty accurately guess what kind of mood it is, whenever Rocka wakes up.

He cast a final look over his lover's self, it's been a while since he could peacefully sleep, his rights have been disrespected for far too long.
With that, Blake stepped out of the room and closed the door quietly, counting the minutes until he had to anticipate Rocka's waking up and go check on him.