... But We're Twins [ JaKe Brooks / Janoskians ]

You're a great brother

[ Jai ]

I can't believe that just happened.

Why did I do that?

First I tell him I love him - which I do - and then I hurt him. I hurt him a lot. I should check on him, or shouldn't I? Maybe I should, but my legs aren't moving. I'm sitting against a wall, facing the door. I'm not sure why though. Luke for sure isn't gonna come in. He probably hates me. The pain in his eyes will haunt me in my dreams for at least the rest of my life.

And it was all my fault.

I pushed him against the wall.

He screamed because of me.

I should've known he was in pain. That weird feeling I had in my stomach this whole time. I assumed I was just nervous, because I didn't know where Luke was. I should've known it wasn't that. We're twins for fuck's sake.

It. Is. My. Fucking. Fault.

Au!

I look at my hands and see some blood dripping from my thumb. I quickly put my finger in my mouth and sucked on it gently.

"Wha-?"

I didn't expect a voice and jumped a bit in the air. When I looked up I saw Beau in the doorway. I locked eyes with my brother, still sucking on my finger. He isn't making eye contact with me. Instead his eyes are fixed on my thumb and that's when I realize that it's still in my mouth. I quickly move it away and clean it on my pants. "Uh, hi?" I greeted awkwardly.

"I- uh... what's going on?" Beau asked confusedly.

I blushed. "I was bleeding."

"Oh- I kinda meant between you and Luke."

"Oh."

I wasn't sure how to answer the question. I stared at the ground as I told him the truth. "I pushed him."

I didn't need to see Beau's expression to know he was angry, that he hates me, and he should. But I guess I was wrong. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and Beau kneeled down next to me. He gently took my hand, which was bleeding again, in his and placed his other hand on my knee. "Ok, that's all I got. I don't know what to do next." Beau said suddenly and I snorted.

"Thanks." I smiled kindly, it was a small improvement, I still feel like shit though.

Beau was quiet for a bit, but soon he talked again. "You're a great brother, you know that right?"

I scoffed and shook my head. "Seriously? Didn't you hear Luke scream?" I asked, looking at my brother. He hesitated, he fucking hesitated, see he does think I'm a terrible brother.

Beau must have read my thoughts. "No, no, no, no, no. Don't you dare think I was quiet because of that."

"Then why? You couldn't just say yes? I know you heard him. It's the reason you're awake."

"Fine, I heard him." Beau said. "I saw him as well."

"You did?" I asked eagerly. "Is he okay? Is he still hurt? Is he alive?"

"Jai... Calm down. Just see for yourself. He's in the bathroom." Beau told me, but I wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. "Don't give me that face."

"What face?" I wondered, but I kinda already knew the answer.

"The 'he doesn't want to see me' face. He loves you dude. And you love him. Now go." Beau practically ordered, but I wasn't convinced just yet.

"He doesn't love me anymore after today. And besides, he doesn't believe I love him, so it doesn't matter."

"Then make him believe."