The Bolt from the Blue (Working Title)

Chapter 20- Panic Attack

Chapter 20- Panic Attack

John had his second appointment with Dr. Lovewell that day; the moment he walked into her office, he heard a strange chime. It was as though he'd lowered himself into a scolding hot bath; a wave of lightheadedness crashed over him, dragging his tensions, defensiveness and inhibitions to the seabed of his brain.

"Sit down," she said. He wasn't sure if it was a suggestion or a command, but he wanted to obey. "Now," she cooed, "Close your eyes."

John's eyes snapped shut and the ensuing darkness felt safe and lovely. He was weightless, carefree and happy. He felt candid: it was time to spill some truths. There was a creak, as if a door somewhere was opening, a chink in the wall he put up to the world growing larger, ready to let things out. And then, somewhere, a voice commanded, "Tell me about Veronica." And out of John's mouth flooded everything that was on his mind.

As John was leaving Dr. Lovewell's office she implored him, "Don't forget what we talked about." John nodded and assured her that he wouldn't, while trying desperately to recall what they had actually talked about. Once more, he barely remembered any information being exchanged between them, but still, he felt more at ease, so maybe he just didn't under the doctor's methods.

He spotted Lorna down the corridor- she was looking down, she still hadn't seen him, and he hastily portalled back down to his desk- he didn't want another confrontation with her.

As he sat down, Alex sauntered over. "How's the good doctor?"

"I think we might have been too harsh on her," John mused, moving his shoulders back- it was as though he'd just had a massage or something, he felt good. "I actually feel a lot better."

"Hmm," Alex pondered, jutting out her lower lip, "I just remember feeling very angry after talking to her. She didn't seem to get the situation between Rob and me, you know. But I'm glad it helps you."

John looked around then lowered his voice, "What's my credibility like in the office right now?" He enquired.

Alex bit her lip and then twister her mouth into a mockery of awkwardness. "Let's just say, people are glad you're leaving," she said.

"Great," said John, trying very hard not to care, "So am I."

Sam sat at the very back of the lecture theatre as Professor Patten gave a surprisingly spirited lecture about gerrymandering. Sam hadn't been drinking, he just didn't want to be near to his professor; he'd considered skipping the lecture entirely- he could have just guessed the content, anyway- but he knew he shouldn't give her any more reason to resent him.

But at the end of the lecture, like a clockwork cuckoo, she called out to him once more. He considered just leaving the theatre and pretending he hadn't heard, but there was still a secondary school student inside him who was terrified of the might of teachers and he found himself walking down to her again, "Professor?"

"Your attitude seems to have improved, Mr. Handey." She was fiddling with her projector, not looking at him- she seemed to have a general attitude that eye contact was for other people. "I haven't smelt wine in my classroom for a week."

Sam said nothing- the little swot inside of him wanted to apologise and/or thank her, but he resisted. He didn't want her to know that he craved her approval.

"So I know you won't mind taking this test." Still not looking up, she picked up what Sam had taken to be a random pile of papers off her desk, and proffered them to him. He didn't take them.

"What?"

"It's an exam to prove that you're serious about my course; if you don't take it, then you automatically fail."