The Bolt from the Blue (Working Title)

Chapter 30- Tea

They let John go after about five hours. Sam was waiting for him in the foyer; he stared straight ahead at the wall as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Hey," John said. Sam didn't look up at John until he lightly touched his shoulder.

"Hi," his voice was measured- he was trying very hard not to let emotion in.

"Are you angry?" John asked.

"Not at you." Sam's mouth was a perfectly straight line across his face but his brow was ever so slightly furrowed.

John squeezed his shoulder, "I'm sorry that you had to see that."

Sam put his hand over John's and interlocked their fingers, "I was going to say the same to you." He stared at the wall again. "Is this what Benji looked like?"

John swallowed hard, really trying not to visualise anything that he and his boyfriend were talking about, "Benji wasn't so...gory." He closed his eyes for a second, willing blackness before them instead of trying to compare the two scenes. "There was blood but..." He stopped. He couldn't finish.

Sam stood up. "Let's go. I hate it here."

John realised, "You've never seen where I work before."

Sam shook his head, "I want to keep it that way. Please, John, let's just go." John nodded and then waved to the officers behind the desk- one of whom he'd done training with- and then they walked outside. The sun was bright that morning- inappropriate for both the season and the mood.

Sam turned to John and saw the question burning in his eyes. "I don't know," He said, weakly.

"You have to." John implored him. "You have to!"

"But I don't." Sam's eyes were wide with fear.

"Then where's Lucy?"

Sam shook his head again, and John wasn't sure he'd ever seen his boyfriend look so helpless. Tears were pricking at his eyes, "I don't know. I just don't. I don't know what's wrong but every time I try and guess...nothing. The answer doesn't appear. I don't know what happened." He sounded terrified- he had not experienced this for a long, long time. He couldn't handle it. John pulled him into a tight hug.

"What about other answers? Can you still guess other things?" He didn't want to ask- he didn't want to talk at all, just to hold Sam and forget about everything else in the world- but there was a part of his brain that needed to have all the facts. A part that he realised was a detective.

He felt Sam nod against his chest and heard him say, muffled against the fabric of John's coat, "Seven thousand four hundred and twenty nine divided by sixty five thousand three hundred and eighty one is nought point one one three six two six two eight two-

John kissed his forehead and Sam fell quiet. They stood in the street like that for a while, wrapped in each other's arms.

Finally, Sam said "Let's go home," he sounded tired- John knew how hard it was to sleep after an experience like that- but he couldn't oblige.

"I'm going to go and see my parents."

Sam looked quizzical.

"I- My mum's very good with stuff like this. She used to be a policewoman." He sighed, "I stayed with them a while after Benji died. I just- I need to talk to her."

"Can I come?" At first, Sam wasn't sure who had said this. His mind was such a mess of grief, shock, fatigue, anger and fear that a fog of emotions had clouded his brain and most of the conversation he had been running on autopilot. It was only when John looked at him, his eyes confused but his mouth smiling slightly that Sam went through the last few utterances and realised that it made no sense for John to have spoken the last line. Until he'd said it, Sam hadn't realised that meeting John's parents was something that he even wanted- now that he had said it, he still wasn't entirely convinced.