Summer Rain

[22] Same Mistakes

Dedicated to justinegirl for her kind comment, thank you!<3 :)

--

(Unedited)

We know where it takes us,

We've been before.

Closer, maybe looking closer,

There's more to discover.

Find out what went wrong,

Without blaming each other.

~Same Mistakes- One Direction

      "Think, Raine, where can we go?" Blake urged, kicking the back of the driver's seat lightly.

      "I'm trying, I'm trying." It hadn't been until to get Avril wrapped in a blanket Blake had found in his trunk and into the car had we realized another problem; Xavier. Who was currently passed out in the passenger seat. Thankfully, the basis of a plan was slowly staring to form in my head. "Okay, I can drop you and Avril off at the hospital, then find somewhere for Xavier, then come back. Can you make sure she'll be okay?" I asked, glancing uneasily at Avril's limp body.

      He nodded. "Now go before this all ends up being a waste." Blake was in the back with Avril, making sure, to the best of his abilities, that she would make it at least to the hospital. He didn't have a medical degree or anything, but he knew stuff past eighth grade health class since he was studying to be a police officer.

      I don't think I've ever driven so fast in my life. I kept to small, side streets because despite it being pretty late, there were still a lot of cars. I know it probably would've been easier just to call an ambulance, but with the traffic, they could've taken over half an hour to get to us, and by then, it might have been too late.

      Twenty minute later, I pulled to a stop in front of the emergency doors. Blake carefully shifted Avril off him and got out of the car. He hurried through the doors and returned a moment later with a couple people dressed in clean white uniforms. Someone wheeled out a stretcher and they loaded Avril onto it.

      "Thanks," I mouthed to Blake as they took her away. He nodded, then followed the medics into the hospital. I sighed and glanced at Xavier. "What am I going to do with you?" I muttered. My plan had been to go to Freya, maybe, since she was still in town. I think she was, at least. Except, that wouldn't really work because I didn't really remember the way to her hotel. I didn't have it saved anywhere, either, since she had given the directions. I couldn't call her, I didn't have her number. Unless... I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over to Xavier.

      I checked his jacket first, but came up with nothing. "This is going to be awkward," I muttered as I checked the pockets of his jeans. Hopefully he had been sober enough to keep his phone with him. Yup, left pocket. I pulled it out and clicked it on. Password. Seriously? I tried typing in 'Freya', hoping it would be that easy.

      It was.

      Okay, time to find her number. I opened contacts. Freya, Freya, Freya... Nothing. Ouch, he must've deleted her. Where else could I go...? He probably had texts or voicemails from her. It'd be bad, but I couldn't think of any other way. He had over a hundred texts, so I decided to check voicemails first.

      As I had expected, Freya had left him a dozen messages. I added her back into his contacts list, then dialed her number.

      She picked up on the second ring. "Xavier?"

      "Uh, no, it's Raine," I said awkwardly.

      "Oh. Why do you have Xavier's phone?" She didn't sound angry, surprisingly, instead just taken aback, and a little upset, though she tried to hide it.

      "I found him drunk," I replied, wincing when Xavier slumped forward. "Can I bring him to you? I don't know where he lives, and I have to go to the hospital."

      "Is everything okay?"

      I glanced at the doors of the hospital, even though I didn't have X-ray vision, and couldn't see what they were doing with Avril. "It will be, hopefully."

      "I'm staying at the Hilton in Times Square. I can watch Xavier." She gave me the address and he room number, which I typed into my phone. Luckily, it was only a ten or so minute drive away.

      "Thanks, I'll see you in a bit," I told her before hanging up. I put Xavier's phone in the pocket of his jacket, then started the car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

      Xavier stirred. "Freya?"

      "No," I replied quietly, glancing at my phone and taking a left as it instructed.

      "Are you my conscience?" he muttered.

      What? I pulled to a stop at a red light and turned to stare at him. Hmm, should I play along? It probably wasn't the nicest thing to do, but maybe it would help. He was drunk, and probably confused. Maybe I could get him to talk to Freya. It's still bad, though, pretending to be someone's conscience. Ah, screw it, I'm already going to hell, anyway. "Yes, Xavier, I'm your conscience."

      "I didn't think my conscience would sound so girly." Well, it's nice to know I sound like a girl when I talk. I had no idea what to say to that, so I simply chose not to respond. "Conscience? Is it bad that I miss Freya?"

      The light changed. I shook my head, then remember his eyes were closed and that I was supposed to be in his head. "No, you love her."

      "But she hurt me."

      "You should let her explain." I checked my phone again. Three minutes away. I turned right. Then resisted the urge to groan at the number of cars. I could see Freya's hotel from here, though.

      For a moment, Xavier was silent. When he spoke again, it wasn't about Freya. It was about me. "Conscience? How do you think Raine knew about it?"

      "You can ask her tomorrow at filming." Except Raine won't be there because Raine will be at a photo shoot and interview with Kaden and Kallie. Xavier really needed to go to filming tomorrow, though. Since Kaden and I wouldn't be there, they were filming the few scenes that didn't include either of us. Most of them needed Xavier.

      "Thanks, Conscience. You know this is the first time you've responded." I stifled a laugh as I pulled into the hotel parking lot. So apparently this isn't the first time Xavier's tried to contact his inner voices. I parked the car and got out, then walked around to Xavier's side and opened the door. Okay, now's the hard part, getting him out of the car, across the hotel lobby, onto the elevator, up to Freya's floor, then into Freya's room. All without being noticed.

      "You have to get up now, Xavier," I instructed, unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing his jacket.

      "Why?" he mumbled, eyes still closed.

      I sighed. This is going to be so much fun. "Because you're with a friend. Who needs to get you into your ap- home." I has been about to say apartment, but I wasn't sure if he lived in an apartment, or a house, or a mansion. And I was supposed to be his conscience, so I couldn't say the wrong one.

      He stood up slightly, then banged his head on the roof of the car, groaned, and sank back down. "Ow."

      Okay, so maybe this won't be as easy as I thought. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him a bit out of the car. "Try again." He managed to get out of the car without injury this time. He looked okay on his feet, so I moved to shut the door and lock the car. But I had spoken too soon because right as I was about to lock Blake's car, he swayed and almost fell over. I sighed and quickly turned the key, just barely finishing before Xavier hit the ground. I shoved the key in my pocket and grabbed one of his arms, steadying him.

      Then, slowly, carefully, I began to walk him to the entrance, keeping my head down. "Be very, very quiet, Xavier."

      "Why?" he asked loudly, as if he was really trying to defy his 'Conscience'. We were at the doors now. Luckily, there hadn't been many people in the parking lot, so no one had recognized us.

      "Because you don't want to be seen," I replied, forcing myself to make my voice as calm and child-friendly as possible even though Xavier was older than me. He acted a bit like a child when he was drunk, so it fit. Sorta.

      He nodded and mad an exaggerated 'Shhh', causing me to roll my eyes. Halfway across the lobby. It wasn't bustling, thank god, but it wasn't empty either. The people working for the hotel were preoccupied, but there was no one extra to watch us. We didn't have to wait for the elevator, either. I pressed Freya's floor number, then jabbed the 'Close Door' button multiple times.

      "Why are we going up? I don't have an elevator," Xavier slurred.

      "You're in a hotel because your friend doesn't know where you live," I responded quickly. Then resisted the urge to smack myself. I had already told him we were going 'home'. See, this is why I don't do the improvisation thing. I can't, really.

      "But all my friends know where I live. Except one. I called her," he said. Shoot, shoot, shoot, he's starting to figure it out. Move faster, elevator, move faster. It didn't. But we were only a floor away from Freya's, so before Xavier could continue piecing it together, the elevator chimed. I pulled him out and lead him down the hall. "Is my friend, Raine, Conscience? I have to talk to her!" Xavier almost yelled. I winced at his loudness, and didn't reply. Instead I watched the room numbers, wanting to arrive at Freya's faster.

      Xavier was proving to be a lot like my dad when he was drunk. And while it didn't really annoy me, I didn't enjoy it either. "Conscience-" Xavier started. Before he could finish, though, he passed out. On the door of room 608. Freya's room. Thank god, that was close. I stretched up to knock, since Xavier was slumped down on the bottom half of the door.

      Before I could, Freya opened the door. Xavier began to tip over, but stopped himself with a hand on the frame. Which hopefully meant he was slowly becoming more sober. Hopefully.

      "Wow," Freya breathed. "He is really drunk."

      I nodded, looking between the two of them. Freya looked alright, but not as well as I had seen her two weeks ago. She was dressed in sweats, her hair pulled up into a messy bun. Her eyes were red, from crying, probably, and there were dark bags under them. Then there was Xavier, who looked equally tired and distraught. Except he was drunk, too.

      I glanced at the time on my phone. Half an hour since I dropped Avril off at the hospital. "I should go. You'll be okay with him?"

      She nodded. "Thanks, Raine," Freya said, glancing down at Xavier. She ran a hand through his hair and carefully tried to help him stand up. He stirred and thrashed slightly, then muttered her name.

      "He loves you, you know. You guys will get through this," I told her quietly.

      She looked up, a somewhat sad smile on her face. "I'm doing my best to believe that."

***

      I was back to attempting to survive on cappuccinos. By the time I had gotten to the hospital, it had been almost midnight. It had taken almost half an hour to convince Blake he could leave and that I could be fine with getting home by myself. It had taken another hour to get a report on Avril. Then half an hour to get a cab, because New York only ever sleeps at the most inconvenient times. It had been almost three in the morning when I got home. I had only gotten five hours of sleep since I had the photo shoot at nine-thirty, and had to go to filming to meet up with Kallie and Kaden.

      I'm not one of those people who can function on less than six hours of sleep.

      But Xavier had been on set, and Kallie hasn't cracked any awkward jokes on the way, and I had 'borrowed' a couple chocolate bars from Brett, so those were pluses, I guess.

      It wasn't that bad. Until I found out the photo shoot and interview was mostly on me and Kaden's 'relationship', and Kallie had only really come to help.

      That had put a little damper on my already not-so-bright mood.

      I bit the inside of my cheek to stop a yawn as one of the many makeup artists brushed a light coat of lip gloss on my mouth. They had decided to make me look as much like Alyssa as possible, so they could bring Call Me Cupid up in the interview. Or at least, that's what I think Kallie said. I had been a little too tired to pay attention on the way here.

      I knew Call Me Cupid was involved somehow, but not so much the movie and plot. It was more like 'this is how they met' and 'it's their first movie together, OMG'! Yeah, I've never been really nice without sleep.

      A couple moments later, I was shoved out of the makeup chair and behind a screen to change into their provided outfit. Once I had the dress on, they sat me back down to curl my hair. I munched on a chocolate bar while waiting, careful not to smudge the lip gloss. I think several people went into shock when they saw me pull it out, because it was really 'un-Hollywood'.

      Overall, it took half an hour and three chocolate bars to get ready. Everyone was ready by the time I was done, since it had taken a while for the makeup artists to cover how tired I was.

      "Hey, babe," Kaden said, pocketing his phone and walking towards me. He draped an arm around my shoulder and pressed his lips to my forehead. Not a kiss, since it was just for the cameras, as always. It was a little weird. 'Sunshine' and those little nicknames were gone. In their place was the typical clichés, 'babe' or 'baby'. I was probably the only one who really noticed. And I was definitely the only one who missed them. I managed a smile and grabbed his free hand, lacing our fingers together. We do have to keep up the image of a perfect couple, after all.

      "Hi," I replied, as cheerfully as I could. Thank god for the makeup. It'd be a lot harder to pretend I'm okay without it.

      He leaned in, so I was the only one who could hear his question. "What happened yesterday?" The camera flashed, stopping me from answering and reminding me that we weren't alone. I looked around the crowded room. That we were definitely nowhere near alone. Still, he shot me a curious look, showing that he wanted some form of a reply. I just shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to have to explain the while Avril thing. Kallie and Kaden didn't know about her. We had kept what had happened a family secret. A gross, haunting family secret, but a family secret nonetheless.

      The photographer clapped loudly, commanding the attention of everyone in the room. "Alright," he bellowed, in an equally loud tone, as if he was trying to talk over a screaming crowd instead of a nearly silent room. "Let's get started. Mr. Fleming, Miss. Evans, in front of the backdrop please." We followed his instructions and dutifully made our way to the large white sheet. I guess they were keeping it simple.

      I hadn't known what to expect with the photo shoot, but fake slow dancing to an old Kelly Clarkson song definitely hasn't been it. Originally, we hasn't had the music, which had been really awkward. The photographer noticed this, so someone produced a music player and switched on a song about 'a moment of a lifetime'. It only sort of helped. It didn't make things less awkward, but it was easier to play a part now.

      The heels were also a little distracting. I was focusing on staying upright, since they had put me in four or five inch heels. Apparently it was because the shoes they had put Kaden in added an inch to his height, and he was already too tall compared to me. Luckily, you couldn't really see my focused expression, since my head was on Kaden's shoulder.

      It was a little weird, because this almost felt... I don't know, like prom or something. Minus the super fancy clothes, and crowded dance floor. It was only us... And about a gazillion assistants who were making sure the lighting was right.

      "Do you miss it?" Kaden asked quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts. The photographers snapped away, but I didn't really pay attention to him.

      I blinked and looked at him blankly. "What?"

      "Us." Oh. I stare at him, somewhat shocked that he's asking this, now, in a room full of people, during a photo shoot. We don't exactly talked while when were along, though, so I guess I understand to some degree.

      "I don't think we're supposed to talk, Kaden," I said, avoiding the question. I know he wants an answer, it's not hard to read someone you've known pretty much all your life. But I can't give him one, because I'm not sure what I feel about 'us'.

      He shrugged slightly, causing the photographer to groan. "It makes things a bit more bearable, I think."

      I scoffed. "Really, now? Our talks aren't exactly pleasant," I pointed out, hoping to change the topic.

      It didn't work.

      "You're avoiding the question."

      "Do I really need to answer?" I asked. I didn't want to, because truth was, I did. But that would ruin everything. It wouldn't help him move on.

      He pulled back slightly and looked at me. "No." We stopped talking for a moment as the photographer gave us new instructions. Playful, this time, instead of intense. Kaden lifted an arm, allowing me to spin away from him. I did so, keeping a slight, mischievous on my face, then let him pull me back. "I miss us too," he told me quietly, his lips brushing my ear. So he can still read me pretty well too.

      I shot a look around. "People might hear us."

      "I doubt that. I can barely hear you," he said, bending me over his arm until my hair touched the ground. It was one of those cliché moves, the one they used in tango, I guess. He exaggerated to the point where it was almost laughable. He was good at this stuff. "They would have to be a vampire to hear," he whispered, once he pulled me back up. "And if that was the case, I think people hearing us would be the least of our worries." He's very mercurial. One moment, serious and asking about what had happened. The next, making jokes.

      "Okay," the photographer said. "How about a kiss." Shoot. Really? I glanced up at Kaden. He was still grinning easily, but his eyes reflected the same pain I felt.

      "Just for the cameras," he whispered in my ear, my hair blocking anyone from seeing what he had just said. I nodded. I knew that. He shot me a slight smile, then weaves a hand into m hair and pressed his mouth to mine.

      It definitely wasn't the first time we had kissed since I had seen him again at the auditions for Call Me Cupid. But it was the first time since the talk.

      It felt different, somehow, from the ones before. I didn't slap him this time, and it didn't taste like tears, and we were in a room full of strangers. But as cliché as it may sound, it almost felt like all of that had disappeared. I could still feel the heat from the lights on my skin and hear the sound of the camera clicking off, but they were subdued, almost. In the background. Which was bad, because it shouldn't have been like that. I shouldn't have care. It should have been just another part of the role I was playing.

      But it wasn't.

      It felt like Kaden had somehow attacked my senses. I kept my eyes closed, but that didn't help. The scent of his cologne filled my nose, comforting, familiar, but at the same time, alarming. There was also the slight smell of perfume and clean stuff, like shampoo and laundry detergent, but they weren't as prominent.

      I could feel everything. Every tug of his fingers in my hair. The coolness of his hand on my waist. How soft his hair felt when I ran my fingers through the light strands. Every push of his lips against mine. He tightened his grip on my waist and pulled me closer, causing me to gasp slightly at the sudden movement. The little space between our mouths disappeared as I unconsciously pressed closer to him.

       I could feel my heart pounding, like last night, but I wasn't sure if it was from fear this time. I didn't want to admit that it might've been something else, though. Because this was for the cameras, no matter how real it felt.

      And I hated it.

      I hated that we weren't real, that we never would be. Maybe I had been the one to say goodbye, but it would've came eventually. We were dysfunctional. It had taken me a long time to realize how messed up our relationship was. It was like tug-of-war, one of us wanting it, but not the other, then vice versa.

      I was stupid enough to still miss it, though. He had been right, earlier, I did miss us. Miss the moments where we weren't fighting, or saying goodbye. Miss the talks and jokes and everything that came with him.

      But I couldn't do anything more, because I still wasn't over my fear of caring. So it was best to let him move on. I owed that much.  I let it go, just for a moment. Poured everything I felt, every moment into the kiss despite the fact that we weren't alone.

      It seemed a little laughable, how déjà vu it was. I remembered three years ago, during that summer, faking a kiss for a different camera. I remembered how complicated everything had seemed back then. But compared to now, it all seemed simple. Easy.

      The photographer clapped, causing us to pull away from each other. "Lovely. Now for the single shots. Who wants to go first?" he said.

      I blinked several times as I pulled out of my thoughts, then did my best to keep the horror off my face. What had that been? I cleared my throat. "Excuse me," I said, gesturing slightly in the direction of the bathrooms while keeping an easy grin on my face. When he nodded, I quickly gave Kaden a kiss on the cheek to keep up the act then walked away.

      The bathroom was empty, thankfully. But I still pushed open the door to last stall, the handicap stall, because if anyone came in, it had to look like I was actually using the bathroom. I leaned against the bathroom stall door and let out a ragged sigh. What the hell had that been? It was supposed to be over. Like, over, over. There shouldn't have been anything there. It should've just been us playing a part. Not some kind of weird, let-out-everything kiss.

      A door banged open. I stiffened and turned around. Could I turn the lock without it making too much noise? It couldn't look like I was thinking about this kiss, because Kaden and I were dating, and kissing shouldn't be something weird.

      "Raine?" Kallie called.

      I let out a slight sigh of relief. Kallie knew Kaden and I weren't actually dating. Okay, that's a step up from the complete stranger. "I'll be out in a minute, Kal," I replied.

      "I know you're not actually going to the bathroom. You're thinking about the kiss, aren't you?" she asked. I blinked. Whoa, she's good. But I can't exactly admit everything to her. It's been two months. I should be used to having to kiss Kaden for the cameras. I guess I was sort of, but the goodbye just made everything awkward again.

      "Well, I guess it was pretty intense. I won't judge. If having to pee is a result of you getting turned on-" she started.

      "Kallie!" I almost yelled, eyes wide. Oh my god.

      "No? So it's the first, then?" she asked. I squeezed my eyes shut and resisted the urge to bang my head against the door. I could just see her smiling slyly. She has most likely planned this. She knocked on the door. "Let me in, Raine."

      I sighed and stepped away from the door, opening my eyes. "Hey," I said as she pushed open the door.

      "What happened now?" Kallie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Kaden's not exactly willing to talk."

      I shot her a flat look. "What do you mean?"

      "Raine," she said flatly, with an equally flat, 'come-on-seriously' look. "I've known you guys all my life. I can tell when something's wrong."

      "I just said it'd be better to stop pretending," I replied, cryptically, Kaden-style, hoping I could get away with it.

      I didn't.

      "No riddles, Raine. If I wanted that, I'd go to Kaden for an explanation."

      I shrugged. "I broke up through note after he said I love you and started dating his best friend three days after. He used that summer as revenge and cheated on me. We're even," I said, deciding to just tell her. It felt good to say it to someone, instead of just letting the thoughts float around my head. "And we're dysfunctional as hell."

      "Why now? Or whenever it happened."

      I shrugged again. "It's for the best. We can finally move on," I replied, choosing not to really answer. I didn't look at her, choosing to stare at the tiled pattern on the floor, instead.

      Kallie sighed and shook her head. "Of course," she said, then let the conversation drop, filling the room with silence. After a couple moments, she pulled out her phone and checked the time. "I told them I was making a quick phone called so I should probably go before they start thinking the bi-sexual rumor about you is true."

      "Kallie!" I yelled.

      She laughed. "Too much?"

      I nodded.

      She gave me a half grin and turned to leave, then froze. "Oh, by the way, Raine," she said, turning back to look at me. "Summer wasn't revenge. I know it."

      I stared at her blankly.

      "Those three days you spent in the hospital," she continued. "He was there, and kept talking to you, trying to get you to wake up."

      "That do-" I started when she didn't speak again.

      Kallie shook her head, cutting me off. "I swear, every other sentence was 'I love you'. He's never said those three words to anyone, but you."

-READ ME-

You guys' comments last chapter made my weekend. With the question, I expected everyone to say the SYS Club or the Watty's, but some actually said it was recommended to them and I was like asdfjkl;<3

Vote, if you feel kind of bad for Freya and Xavier.
Comment, if you just really want Raiden back together.
Fan, if you're starting to understand Raine and Kaden more.

Teaser: "What happened? After you left?"
Update: Aiming for Friday. Latest Monday.
Question: Do I really actually leave a lot of cliffhangers? O.o

~JJ :)

PS. There are roughly 10-ish chapters left. If things go according to plan.
...They usually don't. x3

PPS. For all of you going 'Seriously, Raine? You realize you might care NOW?', remember she's human. And we make stupid, impulsive mistakes and do what we think is best when it really isn't. I warned you guys, all the way back between chapters 15 & 16 of SaS