Kicktehstickz | Chris and Pj

The last Goodbye

It's been 3 years since Chris died, he past away out of a horrible car crash.He was in coma for half a year when the doctors relized he would never wake up out of that. I was at a Party at that time cause I wanted to drown my thoughts in alcohol so i wouldn't have to think about what happend early this morning. We had a huge fight about something and i think his death was all my fault. 

I know that he would not want me to think like that but i do, I swear i miss him a lot even if we kind of fought about if we love each other. I do love him i know realize that  i said horrible wrong things too him and i wish he would be still here alive next to my side so i could tell him how much i love him and how truly sorry i am about what i said. The past two years were horrible we fought everyday Chris wanted to raise a child from the children's home but i didn't care  i wanted to make the most out of my life travel, work and love but he wanted to raise a family settel down with me. I could't handle that so i just left heading to Phil and Dan. I told them everything they didn't understood me they were so angry with me shouted at me , How could i leave him in this situation completly alone. They throw me out with the words that i need to go back to him i didn't instead i just walked trough the city alone with music to my ears. Deny ever text or call or whatever he tried leaving him compleatly in the dark. How could i know that he would leave me all alone after that week forever. 

I tried to write everything down so he could read it in the morning after our huge fight but i guess he didn't i return home that morning. He wasn't there i looked in the closet his clothes weren't there anymore i called he didn't pick up at that moment i knew what i had done i started to regret it as soon as i relized he would never come back to me never. Calling all of our friends to check if he went to them nothing i guess this time he wouldn't come back never have i ever thought it would end like that . I asked some friends if they would like to go to a club with me. Dan said yes we drove to a club named Havanna i drankway to much but Dan didn't stop me i guess he just didn't care enough.

It was way past midnight when i tried to call chris he picked up just to cry in my ear and sream he don't want to see me again . It was the night he vanished out of my life forever.Dan brought me home something about that was odd he tould me that Chris is doing as bad as me and that he think both of us should talk so i called Chris and before he could sream at me i yelled let us talk in the phone and he said yes and he would drive right now to our place. It took me ages to realize after a couple of hours that he woun't  come. A Hospital called me and told me to come as fast as i could Chris lied at that point in a coma. I arrived they told me he had a car crash and hit his head really bad on the stearing wheel. 

Half a year was over i was sitting next to Chris in the Hospital a Doctor came in and told me they need to shut down his life support machines. No not now that could not be true why no why him i don't want that i am not ready for that i can't just lose him. The next day his family decided it would be the best for him so they shut the machines down. My last visit was after he died i hold his hand and cried asked myself all the time why us, why me ,why now i won't  i cried my heart out until i couldn't feel anything anymore. Then i left his funeral was quite and full of tears after that nothing was the same anymore i needed to get out of our shared flat and moved to manchester changed my job. Dan and Phil tried to cheer me up alot until i couldn't  take their happiness and their way to care about me anymore and broke the contact of. It as over everything was depressing and sad and not about Chris anymore everyone moved on i guess it was their way of getting over it but it made me so mad and furious how could they do that. Chris dosen't deserve to be forgotten not from everyone I will never forget him how we got together and how we split apart because of a stupid fight. 

This was my really last suprising chapter i hope it isn't too feel destroying i love you lots.

It's  the end my friend nothing more of these two beauties. I'm sorry for destoying your hearts i just didn't felt a nice ending coming in my head.