Can't Touch This

Chapter 3 - Ugly Hair

“Gen! How does this thing work?!” Haruki yelled from the kitchen.

“Why don’t you figure it out yourself?”

“GEN. I’M SERIOUS. I’M ABOUT TO TURN THIS KITCHEN TO ASHES!”

“Okay, okay.”

“Hurry!”

“What kind of Asian doesn’t know how to use the rice cooker?” Gen said, as she dialed in the right numbers. When she turned her head to see what Haruki was doing, he was nowhere to be seen. Then she heard a couple of shrieks.

“OHM NOM NOM NOM NOM. I EAT CHILDREN ALIVE. Muahahha” Haruki cackled.

“Well, have some more.” Gen placed another bowl of rice beside Haruki.

<><><><><><><>

Haruki stared at Gen, his small brown eyes tearing up in laughter.“Your hair looks so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, stupid!”  He screamed happily, like an overgrown child.

Gen glared at him from underneath her brown fringe, maybe telling the hairdresser to try something new hadn't been the best idea. Swirling around in the black desk chair that the FBI had momentarily used as a hairdresser chair, Gen surveyed her reflection in the mirror.

Her dark fringe fell almost completely in her eyes, making her look more asian than she really was. Her dark brown eyes looked wide and innocent, Gen pursed her lips, she was no innocent! She had killed tons of people.

“They weren’t supposed to cut it like that,” She growled at her brother, whom was bawling his eyes out on the floor.

“Well they did! It looks so-o-o-o stupid!” He cheered, smacking his hands on the floor for emphasis

Gen stood up from her seat and picked up the closest thing she could find -- a stapler. Like an expert, she chucked it at Haruki’s head. Haruki sensed something. No, no. NO! He SMELT THE DANGER! (written by Haruki the Great himself). Unfortunately, her stupid, idiotic brother had somehow managed to avoid being hit by the object.

MUAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! Hi, this is Haruki at your service :3 From now on, I will write. ‘Cause clearly as you can see, whoever wrote this does NOT know how to describe me; neither concisely nor precisely.

Sooooooo, I have a sister. Aaaa~nd she absolutely disgusts me. She is rude, impertinent, sassy, a true imbecile, rude, rude, and rude. And here is why I had to emphasize her “rude”-ness.

According to the Riceshido, it clearly states that one musn’t provoke others.

Which involves messing up my hours-of-work-hair. It’s like she’s jealous or something, you know? ‘Cause she doesn’t have what I call a proper hairstyle.

So I tried one day to design a hairstyle that would go really nice with her personality. It took me centuries to come up with the PURRRRR-FECT hairstyle. Then I realized how pretty she would look. That got me jealous. I stopped sketching. I started eating children. I started to sleep deeper. But then again, I wanted to have the PURRRRR-FECT sister. So I crawled into my room and carefully blew off the dust and unfolded the masterwork.

The sun descended under the horizon and the moon ascended into the darkness. It was a full moon! I stood there for a full hour from my window purring to the moon before sneaking into my sister’s room. With precision and delicacy I was able to carry out my mission with success. I went back to my room with a grin on my face that hung over my ears.

“AHHHHHHH!” A terrible shriek woke me up. I buried my face into the pillow and dreamt about myself walking like a noble cat with a noble sister! And everybody was in awe, admiring us. One woman ran up to me and told me she would buy the sketch for her life. I scoffed at her non-sense and walked away fr-

This time I wasnt in my bed anymore. When I opened my eyes, I saw something clear like water....well that was after my sister dropped me in the pool. I was so angry that I yowled, only to be muffled under the pool.

I spewed out the water from my mouth and hissed. “WHAT THE MEW IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

I thought I forgot to trim her bangs. But that wasn’t her problem.

“Where the HISSSS did you put my iPhone?! I need to go on Wattpad, dipshit!”

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

Her bangs were just above PURRRR-FECT, and her side-swept bangs were just.....OH and her long curtain-like layers......

“Whatcha lookin’ at? I’ll ask again before I-”

I hugged her.

She just stood there like a tree, scowling.

“I ABSOPURRRUTELY LOVE YOU!”

“Hey look, mice!”

I pushed her into the pool and located the closest mousehole in the adjacent area. <><><><>

That night, Gen hugged me and I found out something dreadful. My sister was a tree hugger.

“So how...” she was looking for words...

“Here,” I threw her a dictionary.

“Fudge you!”

It took me centuries to tell her all the days I spent in deep thought. To do this, you needed two things; love and perseverance.

˹Dear Gen,

Have you seen my boxing gloves? I can't find them.... oh by the way. You'd be an excellent punching bag. See you at the gym?

Love, Hairuki˼

That day, to my delight, she showed up at the gym. How could you hate such a sweet sister...with the PURRR-FECT hair?!

I walked up to her. It was then I realized there were no sweet sisters in this world.

She kicked me in the nuts and while I was on the floor writhing in agony, she kneeled down beside me and ruffled my hair.

Gen was happier than ever...