Dreams

A/N: Metaphor Explanation Chapter

Hello everyone! Like I said before I will explain the metaphors in this story one by one, and I hope it wasn't too confusing for you.

This story is generally about how I became a fan of Axl Rose. About a year ago I just started writing out of the blue and the Prologue chapter came out. Then, I decided to continue and make it a story.

I'll start by telling you how I became a fan of him. It was 2 and a half years ago. I had just started listening to rock music and there was this boy I had a crush on. I heard him listening to Don't Cry one day, I didn't know the song. I searched through Youtube that evening and somehow found the video of Don't Cry by GN'R. I didn't know about GN'R either, but I decided to watch it. I remember not being able to figure out if Axl is a man or a woman, but after deciding on man, I was like: "He's so cute!" And, it began. I was very moved by the song and the video. I had this weird feeling inside me that I have seen it/heard it before. And it is still a very special song for me. Anyway, I first struggled finding his name. Because when I would type Guns N' Roses I would see the photo of the current lineup in Wikipedia, and none of them looked like the man in the video. I would see the name "Axl Rose" around, but when I would click on it I would see a photo of him in the 2000s. After finally figuring out that the name I've been looking for is Axl, this time I became confused about the band. The boy I had a crush on gave me some information about them, and that was when I learnt about the Axl-Slash feud.

Months passed and finally in February, I started to become a fan of GN'R. I was reading about them and Axl all the time, and I learnt a lot of things. Then at the 5th of February, Duff's birthday, I realized that I didn't know when Axl's birthday was. So I googled it and I was shocked to see that it was tomorrow! I spent his birthday celebrating by myself, but at night, my mood strangely changed. I suddenly became really depressed about him and GN'R. I was sad that he was getting old, I was sad that GN'R didn't have Slash, Duff, Izzy and Steven anymore. And what went through my mind that night was totally suicidal. I thought that it wasn't worth living anymore, and I had missed all the great things. And, I was crying during all this.But the next day, when I woke up, I knew that I was a fan of him and his band. I woke up recovered from the weird emotional thoughts and strange mood swings. When I listen to Don't Cry, I always think of this. And the lines "You'll feel better tomorrow, come to morning light now baby. And don't you cry, tonight..." always remind me of it. Anyway, so since that day, I've been a fan of him. But there were a lot of times when I didn't understand why I loved him that much. There were a lot of times when I thought he was a complete asshole, but after a while I stopped feeling that way and accepted him as the way he is. I still don't know why I chose to love and be a fan of him instead of someone else, and this weird feeling always makes me feel like I already know him.

Moving on to the story, the place all the events are set is my heart. It's a frozen place, covered with snow, and it's always very cold. And actually, I imagined it as the place Axl walks at in the beginning of the video of Don't Cry. It is frozen because it lacks love in it, only a small part of it, the house I live in, is warm. And, the place where I find the papers at. Later Axl makes my heart melt with his love and all that snow turns into a sea, so I kind of wanted to explain how he changed me.

And this story kind of tells about the things that happen inside my heart while I was being a fan of Axl. All the arguments, all the emotional parts, they are all sorts of inner conflict I go through.

I let him inside my house, the only warm and livable place of my heart. Even though I don't know him well, at the beginning not even knowing his name, I love him. It might be because I don't have anyone else to love, but I really don't know. Then, I go and find those papers about him. The man that gives them to me represents the boy I had a crush on. It is not certain why he is there, what he is doing there and what happens to him... But he gets forgotten, and slowly fades away.

I also want to tell you about the "familiar melody" that I hear every single chapter. It is Don't Cry, of course, and I kind of wrote it because of the weird feeling I had inside me when I first heard it. It reminds me of the dream I am waiting for, constantly playing at the background.

Most of the chapters are about my struggles figuring Axl out, and my struggles trying to understand why I love him and decide if I should. And I already explained the Axl melting my heart part, so I'm jumping to the And We Both Know Hearts Can Change part. November Rain is described there, another song that has a special meaning to me. In the year I became a fan, in November, I switched my school from a music school to a regular one. It was very hard, especially because no one shared the same passions as me. So I kept on listening to November Rain that month, thinking about the "Never mind the darkness, we still can find a way. Nothing lasts forever, even cold November Rain." part. That chapter is basically about that, about big changes in my life, in my heart and how Axl is always there for me. The "we" in those lines always touches my heart, he doesn't say "you" or "I" or something, he says "we still can find a way". It makes me feel like he is with me all the time.

And finally, the last chapter... I have a lot to say about that. At first he melts my heart, than he burns my heart. At first he makes me feel love and melts all that snow inside my heart, but then he gets me to a point where I am not emotionally stable and I get hurt instead. For the last few years, I haven't loved anyone other than my parents, maybe a few friends and relatives, and Axl. I filled the empty part of my heart with him, knowing that I will never be with him in real life. And it hurts, because I literally live my life around him and I am tied to him with chains, you know... I'll never be able to let go of him, even if he drags me into the sea and drowns me. The ending was inspired by the scene in Don't Cry, where Axl is struggling but Stephanie Seymour is peacefully hugging his legs. I've been living in a dream world for a while, and it is painful to face the reality. I know how stupid and how wrong it is, but I can't help it. I'll just cling onto my dream as he drowns me...

Lastly, I want to talk about dreams. I say that I've been waiting for a dream a lot of times in the story. It means: I've waiting for someone to fill me with love, to make me feel alive, to give my life a meaning, and to love me and make me love him. But I don't wait for a person I wait for a dream. And I have the dream by letting Axl get inside. But his dream is all I have, all I'll ever have. The real Axl will never know these, and I will love the dream of him. Because I can't have him as a person. Axl in this story is the dream Axl, the one that I dream of. He isn't real. This is why this story is called Dreams. A dream lives inside my heart and drowns me, not Axl. And I let him drown me, day by day, night by night, dream by dream, as long as I keep him in my heart.

This is all I have to say about this story. If you wanna know anything else, please comment or send me a message. I will answer every question you have, and I hope this story is more clear now. I wasn't planning to make this a story at the beginning, so I just dived into the story without explaining anything. I really hope you all liked it...

Strange Fact: My real name, Rüya, means dream in my language, Turkish. Weird, right? ;)
Peace! ✌️