astigmatism ↠ lashton

chapter four.

Chapter four.

Ashton's mother once told him that depression was all in his head. It wasn't real. You can't feel it. Your mind just tricks you into thinking that there could somehow be a next level up from sad. She told him that the scale goes from upset, to sad, to really sad and then it ends. Depression doesn't exist it's just a made up mind state that everyone used to explode their issues when in reality, they are just really sad.

No offense to his Mum, but that is bullshit. Yes it might be a mental health issue but that doesn't mean that it isn't real. What's in your head affects you physically too, when people are depressed they usually sleep a lot, gain or lose weight, literally can't be motivated to even move.

It can't be a delusion when all you want to do is die, can it? No, it can't be. It's not just your brain being over dramatic or just having a bad day. It's just truly feeling so empty and meaningless inside that you couldn't bear the thought of spending another second in the world of the torture inside your feeling. And he doesn't think that that is all in your head, it radiates off you. It dim's your eyes, attacks your smile and ruins your mood.

To be honest, Ashton had no idea how to assemble the jumble of thoughts that fly through his mind every second of every day,  but he couldn't shake this particular contemplation in his head about depression and the  meaning of it.

Ashton didn't think he was severely depressed. He had never attempted or even really thought about killing himself. He was just... discontent with his life? Where he is right now in the world doesn't satisfy him, he feels like he could be doing something else with his life rather than sleeping, eating, going to school and feeling down all the time. He could be travelling around the world and viewing it from every perspective. Doing unpredictable things. Even something crazy like drumming in a band.

Just, doing something with his life.

Sometimes Ashton's thoughts were so complex he felt like he should write a book or something.

The bell for the end of sixth period shook Ashton back to reality and he realised that he had been in his own mind state for a whole 43 minutes, also known as a full period of class. His books and pencil case were all untouched so he just picked them up and left the room along with all of the other students and a convincing nod to the teacher who was looking disinterested at me anyways. Ashton got to his locker and shoved his books away to wherever they could fit. It was a folded up, fluro green sticky note which caught his attention, tucked behind one of his small blink-182 posters glue tacked to the inside of Ashton's locker door. 

Ashton opened up the sticky note and saw in black neat-ish writing:   

We should talk more:) 

Hints:

a.    1-1=__

b.    He said I've been to the year _____

c.    Blink-____

d.    We get presents on December the ___

Don't ask me why I'm doing this hint thing, I got bored in economics okay? And also because I'm an ass-HALL. hahahahahhahhaahhahahaha okay bye.

The note didn't state who it was from, but Ashton knew it was from Luke.

Ashton wanted to get past the hints right then and there, but he knew he would miss the bus so he clutched it in his hand, grabbed his bag and headed towards the bus stop. His heart felt all weird and fluttery at the quirky note, but then his mind darkened the thoughts as per usual. What if its just a joke? What if Luke didn't write it and it was some asshole who overheard the conversation?